29 April 2016

What the HECK am I doing!

I am suppose to loose weight not gaining. I have not been taking care of my diet lately! This is not good! I have been doing so hard to achieve what I have not I shall not waste and spoilt the result! Please stop please stop. May is coming and I have get to totally achieve what I should. I keep reminding myself but I keep doing so. This is so bad though. I need to really start to put a concern about in. wait no a it's many concern on it! WHAT THE HELL! It's the matter of life and death!  

May is already on the way and I have so much that I need to start by next week. Yet, still not even half for my Chinese workbook. Lazy to wake up so early in the morning today but I need to go to the dentist again and finish it once and for all! Shouldn't have any more things to settle though onwards. I have done most of it so yeah. Should be it.

I am gonna have another long weekend this week, feeling awesome. I need to spend it well though. There's so much to plan and do. Hopefully this time my diet plan works, in a healthy way. GOGOGO! 

28 April 2016


Oh well, I got a long lecture yesterday. Confused feeling but at least I know what I think is right or wrong. Believe my instinct. Remember my interest in management consulting? I need to be confident and to believe in myself as well. Never give up in pursuing your dream, you might never know when it comes, but as long as you keep going it will come. Lot's of idols for an example! Some even achieve at the peak at 30s! So yeah! Keep on fight up high till the end! I hope it worth it all at the end. Life is never easy, not for every one. Tough road on the way, but doesn't mean it will be tough till the end. Believe and be positive! 

It's only three days work for this week for me and 4 days next week. Gonna be busy next week onwards since my class resumes next month. Lot's to do and catch up. Need to start my Korean textbooks again next week. I haven't even finish my Chinese workbork. Guess I need to burn the midnight oil this weekend. Oh well, something I wouldn't really complain much doing. 

Just a brief revise on the textbooks I have. I don't think I would be revising my ex-tuition books since I have been doing it for like years, I can memorise the sequence of the pages ad! So yeah, let's not do that, just the usual normal printed textbooks from online. I will also skip the really basic ones, well it's only just one book as well as the lyric book. Maybe I shouldn't even print the lyric book though. And let's reschedule the study plan after I started my class. Curious hows the class conducted! 

27 April 2016

The Circle, The Comparison

Probably the circle I am in now that I am always comparing myself with the others. I feel devastated about myself. I try not too most of the time, but sometimes you just can't help it at all. Why me? Why can't others too? Why him? Why her? WHY all the way! This makes me feel depressed and sad lately. Thinking too much lately, working hard to find ways and excel as much as possible. Compared to the less fortunate, I am probably living well off already. I need to stop complaining and be thankful. I need to speak less of it even if I have achieved more rights to speak about it cause I do not want the karma, like them. 

James lee has been my type lately. He's so hot! He's tall, he speaks good English. Just my type. I love dudes who live aboard as Asian. He's totally my cup of tea. I wish he appears more on variety shows! I wanna know more about him and him speaking Korean though he's not fluent! Better than my Chinese probably. Envious. 

I became so fed up with things lately. Trying to keep myself as positive as much as possible!!! Regardless. Optimistic. 


26 April 2016

Long Rest

Great, weather is bad. Having a long rest currently. Otherwise, I wouldn't have the chance anymore since I am gonna be all alone next month onwards.


25 April 2016

Moody & STOP

The symptoms came up quite obvious for the past few days and I need to be really serious about it. I should totally stop my bad habit now for real. It's time to think about the good habits for the start. I am worried at the same time, not just my health but many aspects. So let's make today the start till the end, I have little bit more to go and I don't wanna ruined it. No more breaks and excuses to delay, as promised. Cause it's getting obvious the symptoms and this is really bad. I am killing myself practically. 

I was really moody yesterday. The message was pain and not even relaxing, add on to my stress. I need to think of solution and plans to save up more cash. With my commitments and salary, I can't survive, totally. I need to do something. I am not sure if there's even any increment in this company. I need to find out but I doubt. I wanna leave but I can't, times are bad now. I hope 2017 would be a better year really. Though it's slightly better for me now compared to last year, I hope it would get even better. Hopefully to see both of my goals achieved by end of the year. My healthy diet goal totally achieved and getting promising results to leave the country. Fingers crossed. BEGIN! and STOP! Even now, I am feeling it. This is doom. 

I need to relax my mind. I need to sort things out. I need to control my desire, the addict to begin today. After work is the challenge and I need to face it and keep remind myself! 


24 April 2016


I feeling so stress now cause there's lots of spends to do this month and probably next month too since I am resuming my class and some special day is coming,  I really wanna start up a business if this continues to happen. I need to organise my pay once I got it to avoid more spending.! I am feeling so tension now but it's only once year I need to have a big heart for it. Oh I don't know if I suggested the right thing, but I hope it does though. Sigh. Fingers crossed. 

I have such a good sleep in today! It has been so long since I have been always waking early, really early these days. And next month onwards, I will have a free Sunday too! Woots! but I will have an early Saturday, infact earlier than my working hours due to my Korean class. Oh boy, I am still thinking when should I start my Chinese class, Probably after my even or so. Spending again. How to save? I need to think of something,

I think I need to suggest less outing for good and so and cause I am really running out of cash. Stay in and diet. That's it which I suppose to anyway. so win win situation. I need to start saving. I really should take the bus back and walk too. Healthy and save. I need to find some mouth mask with the haze as well. Get some book to read while walking. Make use of my time! I NEED TO DO SAVINGS FOR NEXT YEAR! I need part time!


23 April 2016

First Hosting for a Meet Up

I hosted a meet up yesterday for a first time! It wasn't many people so it's still manageable! Thankfully. It's not that hard though but at least, I did host one, probably hosting another one next week, before I get busy! 

Just got a not so shocking news yesterday, my colleague decided to leave earlier than I expected. Oh well, left me alone again for mid-year like last year. Not sure it's the April jinx of the company that everyone tend to leave on April. Who's the problem, both I say, so yeah, nothing to express at all. I need to prepare for the stress and workload pretty soon. What a life. What a world. 

I am getting really frustrated with myself cause I am aging and I have not achieve anything yet, not even close yet. Yet, I have friends already doing what they would enjoy or travel around to most places. Honestly, I am really envious. Not sure it's because my friends are mostly older than me or born in a silver spoon. When is my time gonna come? I am impatient, the least I have improved from it. 

Everyone is so busy with worklife lately. Stress, tension and frustration. What I am facing now as well. I have not much time on my own to do lots of stuffs. I need more time and I need 36 hours in a day. 


22 April 2016

Not the Time yet

Everything happens for a reason. I think it's not time for me to leave the country yet this year, not now. It's not the time. I wanted to try out the scholarship for this winter but something caught up, I think I can only apply for next Spring which is end of the year application. Am I disappointed? Not really though, I actually plan to go next year, just that if I can go early, it would be better. But see how the financial flows for 2016 since I am supporting myself. I need to settle what's here first before leaving as a duty. 

Plans for masters ? Probably the next two years, I hope it would be successful cause I am not sure if I wanna study Masters in Management or MBA cause both has not much different and MIM is more famous in the Europe since I wanna settle down in Germany, but MBA seems to be a better course but expensive. I really don't know yet. I need to see the cash flows as well within these two years and it's still long way to go. At least I know where's my direction just how am I going to save up for it and pursue my masters. I hope by the time comes, I can say to myself, 'I have made it'. That's all am asking for, not giving up, will fight this through.

Yes, financially I feel really stress now. I am the only one in the house who's working while the rest is not, studying. I really wanna open a dessert restaurant, the procedures seems complicated but I can't avoid it just because it's hard. Nonsense! Nothing falls from SKY! I need to go through it and I hope everything would be fine. Positive remember?

It's gonna be a busy weekend as usual and I am going for my blood check up later. Anxious. 

21 April 2016


I went to the dentists yesterday, give it a check but I still need to be back by next week cause their machine is not working! Damn it, I need to wait for an hour again? I hate waiting! I need to wait up early as well, this is so frustrating! I need to wake up early on Friday as well for  blood check. I want to finish a lot of things but sudden meet up which is superb important. I feel even more frustrated now. 

I need to do the preparation by this week, I haven't touch my Chinese books when I reached home, I basically don't have much time at all! Now that I am having headache, I am not thinking right as well. In a rush. I wanted to print the forms but the page is not loading. I bank in the fees to the wrong account but thankfully they still accept it. Also, the form is not going through and still submitting, what is this man? Guess I have to do them this morning and I hate pending works! 

I want to sleep but I want to finish some stuffs.! This is so frustrating! I AM SO STRESS NOW! 

20 April 2016

Weird Dream

I had the weirdest dream yesterday night. I don't always sleep all the way through during the night, I would sometimes wake up during the night to go to the toilet, or to fix my ear plugs or to take off or put on my sleeping mask. Almost every night practically. But yesterday night, I am quite sure I did not take off my ear plugs and place then in the box nicely. I always make sure I have my ear plugs on cause I know the scumbags would be back late at night and they would make a lot of noises. I realised the noises were quite loud, I thought maybe my ear plugs came off, cause I put it loose yesterday night since it's still a little damp since I washed it, but I can't find it, I thought maybe it's somewhere, wanting to continue to sleep, I saw the plugs on the box nicely placed. Honestly, I was quite stunned at that moment, I don't recall myself a single bit putting those plugs on the box!! I don't think I have sleep walking habit? Cause I am a light sleeper! I basically wake up even with single bits of noise, that's why I have ear plugs. This is WEIRD! Can you explain? I tried hard thinking about it, but I have no memory at all about myself doing it..... maybe... I don't know. I don't wanna think about it too.

I am going to the dentist today, this time, it's the government's since the private is expensive. Let's give it a try since I just wanna get my teeth checked. I need to wake up early tomorrow morning as well to get my blood check. This is so tiring. And weekend, I would be out the whole day again. I don't have time to even finish my new Chinese books which I need to by end of the month since I am resuming my class in another week more. Would need to travel far for my Korean class next month. TT

I do admit that I think of my dad at times, but I refrain myself to overthink about it, it's still heartbreaking. Really do. Still in state of accepting the fact. Life...... lifeeee.....