3 December 2016

Deep Shit, Gained Instead.

Although I feel better with my throat now, I feel like my bad habit is coming back and this is not a good sign, it's not even healing at all. I did not kept the promise I did and now I actually gained 5KG in just a week. That's because I did not work out, this is really bad. I worked out another plan for myself again to loose what I gained within a month, I am not sure if it's gonna work but I need to get it work no matter what, one month which includes today which I am not sure if I am gonna failed it again. I am scared actually, 2017 is approaching and I do not want to bring the back to square result over. I wanna achieved and bring the actual result over. I did to make it today, otherwise it's over. I need to complete stop the bad habit and try to fix my diet to small portion. I REALLY NEED TO and I am scared that I would fail again. Please keep the will strong, Jerica. Please, you need to do it now or regret it for 2017. I am fighting against myself now, this is a great concert I am trying to succeed. This is also my last month also, I really can't bring it over. I need to work hard to loose it now, to fight against my will.

I went out with le mum the whole day yesterday after submitting my claim. I really hope all of it will be approved, cause the amount is too much for me. Fingers crossed. I actually like Sunway Pyramid, I think it's a great place for shopping. The place has everything that I need. I actually did an early Lunar Year shopping. So yeah, gonna keep the clothes till then though I still need to shop more, I feel like doing more though but I can't! I need to save up instead of spending so it's enough! Please control. Towards the end November, I failed my mission to maintain my weight, instead I gained. I spend money like water. I can't continue this for the rest of December. Wake up Jerica, wake up! It's gonna be a new year, get yourself straight! You need to loose weight again now and save money! Back to square one and this month, I should succeed this instantly! To finish up 2016 and not to bring it over! I CAN DO THIS! I NEED TO DO THIS! I need to remind myself everyday.

I am actually debating with myself if I should wake this person up from humanity, the least good deed I can do for myself and for the sake of him. Probably after New Year or so or earlier? I will see how it goes after meeting the other oppas later. I just feel it's such a waste that this happen. I feel really disappointed actually and sad. This is just devastating. I hope I have more true and sincere people coming through starting from this week onwards! It will and be positive! Life would be better this month onwards. SMILE and POSITIVE, remember? You wanna train your EQ and of course, my will as well now to be persistent with loosing weight again now. Means I have to loose the least 1 KG a week, I need to bring my mum along as well, for health purpose. I want my mum to be healthy and look good too, even better. 


Listening to SECHSKIES - ‘커플 (COUPLE)’ feeling so nostalgic. Feeling the hype of the 90s, back when I was primary school. You must be surprise that I was into KPOP since then, but not as crazy as I am now. I know the Korean entertainment industry better than the Hollywood's. Even the Chinese one as well. From time to time I would still keep myself update though. I am not too old for this. =P


2 December 2016

Day 2 of 4 Resistance

It's never an easy thing to resists what you love to do, oh well. I guess I just need to get over it though. I just need to withstand for another two days, keeping myself strong and constantly reminding myself. I need to succeed it, since I have successfully stopped my old bad habit for a few days, I can make it for my second one. To reduce it in four days, retain the original thing. FIGHTING! 

I can't sleep the night before, maybe cause of the green tea dessert I had with my mum and because of the day before I ate so much of stuffs which I couldn't, I was having a hard time yesterday. I guess I should be really strict with my diet with my 4 days plan, for the least this month. I had so much of thoughts going on that night. I had bad moments, good ones and not so good ones. I have so many kind of people walked into my life. It was good at first, but turned out not so good, true  colours. Upper classes will always be the upper, medium will always be the medium, unless the medium became upper classes, it's easier to mend. I feel the odds, but I can't say it out to keep it going, keeping the EQ high, which is important. It's not easy for my personality but I need to train myself. I need some time. Do good and you will get good. Be smart and handle stuffs. Do bad and you will get the bad. This is life. I hope people deserves what they deserves. That's it. I wish people would appreciate my friendship one day and do not take it to the next level. Thank you for those who appreciates my friendship. I really do. That hurts me when I got to know but because I expected, I wasn't as hurt as I thought. I am getting there.

I was actually on track not till the last few days and now I am trying to get back on track. It's a good time to heal and reduce it. I am taking the challenge. I finally left with two more books to finish and I hope to finish them by this week actually since I will have no meet ups this week. I am spending every second of my time with something useful, either with books or with family. I am spending a lot of time with my mum lately, since I was given 3 days rest. I feel I need to, the only person who you could trust for the rest of your life. Hopefully to carry on with my plans in advance so that by January I could have more time for my new notes (since there's a lot) and all the old and new books exercises! There's so much to do! I wanna get ready before TOPIK study by March. I am actually thinking when should I study for my Chinese exam though. Self study at the moment since I can't afford to pay for classes now. Thanks to my hospitalisation fees. 

I have much more to learn still. It's December, I have lots to do, lots to carry on and make it happen for the year of 2017! I can't let negatives around me, it's only about positives! I CAN DO THIS! Because, I need to believe it. Keep reminding myself only the goods. Please make the second day a succeed of the four days too. I NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS BATTLE. 







Remind myself every second. Everything is gonna be good soon, it will. I am learning this from oldest oppa. SUCCESS. 

1 December 2016

What am I doing? Day 1 of 4 resistance.

Okay, ever since I need to stop my bad habit, I am out of control. I gained a few pounds just by days. The side effect of just diet and without working out. It's December now and I am regretting totally! I am feeling so stressed up now that I have gained weight, the worst thing is you have to quite the bad habit and go for a healthy one. But you can't seems to resists! It's the first day of December, and till next week, I came out with a new plan again to shed what I have gained, I need to be really strict with it in order to get back the results, otherwise I would be really stressed up with my weight. This four days will be the test of my resistance! It's enough, I can't disappointment the last month of 2016! I NEED TO MAKE IT! I am so scared that I can't make it, this four days is gonna be it, my final test. I am go really fully liquid, for the sake of my throat as well. I need to do it. I am feeling really tension now, but I can't bear to gain anymore weight. I am really scared. So please. No more excuse since it's already December! Christmas and New Year is coming, I need to achieve it before the festivals comes! The least, I need to work out by 2017, the promise that I did not fulfil since long ago!

I need to remind myself everyday to resists it till Sunday. If I am able to succeed this four days, I am able to regained back the old succeeded result. So please. Just for the month of December, to lessen the appetite. You can do whatever you want January onwards, as long as work out starts. Food won't run away and always be there. Let's make this a good beginning to be a small eater, really small one. And healthy as well. Four days of will of strength! I can do this!

DAY 1 of 4 !

FIGHTING! 

30 November 2016

Regrests.

I just left myself loose for past few days and the result is bad now. I am totally regretting it. I can't go back to the old method now, so I need to follow what I have planned, I don't want to regret again. Moreover I need my throat to heal as well. I can only take liquid for at least 2 months. Took some heavy and spicy food yesterday, yes I can't resists and I am totally regretting it now. I should watch my eating today onwards for the least 14 days! I need to be really strict on myself for my own good. I need to control and watch my diet properly! What the hell was I thinking? It's gonna be December and I don't want to gain what I loose for the last 1 year! I don't wanna go back to the old me at all ! PLEASE~

I am having my doctor appointment later in the afternoon. I spent a lot on just medicals and I wish the claim will pass through. I can't afford such an expensive medical bill. Prays hard that it will be approved. Wonder if the clinic bills can be claimed from my company? I wonder. I need ask around. I don't wanna spend such money again, really. It's bad and no good. Though, I have used my insurance card, the least. 

I am feeling good since I can take a rest for 3 days the least. Will be back for work on Thursday to settle some stuff and on leave again on Friday. Guess the I will not take of next week to make use of my time and see whether if I should apply for the week after. Since I am almost off the whole week for this week. I should come fully next week. I bet myself gonna be really busy though. Since I am rushing to finish my notes so I can work out my 2017 plan. Really need to though. 

The mission is off and on success and failed. I don't think I can put number of days anymore because of my condition. Let's just loose 3-4 more this two weeks before Christmas. Yes, again. thanks to my stupidity. It's a good time to train myself. Please make use of it and resits. I need to succeed before Christmas! WOOTS!

It's the last day of November, we are moving to December tomorrow! Have a great start and new plans ahead! Christmas and New Year in on the day! 


29 November 2016

Hospital Check Up

Well, the pain did not went off so I was prescribed to the hospital yesterday. I spent the whole day in the hospital, at least the medical card is n used now though. But the anaesthetic, I can still feel it though. I feel like sleeping early yesterday, but there's so much for me to do. I really need to claim back the medical fees. It's so expensive. Thank god, the rest after that is included in my insurance. Okay now I admit the benefit of an insurance but I don't think it's a good thing to visit the hospital. There's so many people in the hospital and that's unpleasant to see. People should be healthy. I wanna save money but spend to much on my medicals lately. I am feeling so exhausted when I reached home, just feel like I need to rest.

I really need to work out some part time plan, I need to earn more money. I am gonna try all the goods next year onwards and work out my plan before 2017 comes. Time is ticking, and it doesn't stop. This is really scary. I will try to finish the online book notes before Christmas cause seems like I can't really do an advance plan now. I am feeling tension and worried, I should be serious with my health now since I am spending so much on it now. Trying to heal seriously now.

I am a bit sensitive last Saturday, maybe because of my pain. But what I felt that I can't denied that it's true. I am trying to keep my EQ high. I have lots to learn about the working world and people. I wanna learn more, I wanna meet more different kind of people to be able to learn, I actually think this is really important to survive in the world now. So yeah, hold it and learn from it! I CAN DO THIS!

Went out with my mum the whole day on Sunday. The slowest dinner I have ever ate during that day. We finally get to eat Chillis, I was having a really hard time eating, ate really slow as well but the food and service is good after for some time, since it's always packed with people in KLCC. It has been some time I did not go there as well, as I mentioned before, I don't like too crowded places. Finally manage to bring my mum to eat the best bingsu I think the best, but I do not know what that day it was really sweet though. Sigh. What happened? It was not so sweet the last two times I ate though 


There's always a green tea or injeolmi in the order. Both our favourites, as usual I will take out the red beans though. I don't really like red beans. I always picked then out which I do not know why though. I just don't really like beans. 

I will have 3 days rest though. I thought of cancelling my leave on Friday but since it's approved, I will just leave it then. I won't apply leave next week I guess. I have more time during the day since because. So yeah, I have more leaves then. Now I have reason to go to work everyday in a week. Time is useful since I always wake up late during my day off. 

28 November 2016

Last Korean Meet Up for November 2016!

Well, I went for the meet up for Korean last Saturday since it's the last one for November! There's a lot of people though. Seems satisfied though. My mood was quite bad on that day was well since my throat hurts. Especially when night comes, the pain starts. I took twice the painkiller to sooth the pain. Ate some ice cream as well. After the pain feel better, I actually felt hungry so I ate something though. I am stressed about eating the good, I gained but that day I choose to let it loose. Wait, I actually have no choice since it's hurt. So I am gonna mark that following day as my last day of this bad habit and the start of my healthy one. I confessed my bad habit to one person. I said I would want to bury this secret with till I leave this world but I spilled it to him. I don't know why, I hope it's not a bad mistake, that's it. I am already frustrated enough with people around me. There's a guy that I was interested to know on that day but yea was hard to approach him though. I wanted to exchange number and hang out more but damn, the unexpected humans came. I didn't get the chance then. I hope the next meet up he comes and I can get the chance to exchange contacts! He has been here for two years! Gosh! I will attend more meet ups from now on to know more people. I wanna widen my social and broaden my opportunity. 

I found out something and I was actually really pissed off at the same time with the pain so my mood was actually quite bad though. Classes can never mix along, not with silver spoons. Unless there's special ones but I doubt there is. I feel like I am someone useless now or just to entertain human ever since he got the answer. I just feel like so. Yes, I am stupid and naive. Please continue to think me that way, I am more comfortable with that. Please go on. At least, I get to know the real, wait, in fact I actually know just that I close one eye but ever since the day of confession I took the details seriously. Probably shouldn't have done so. Keeping my EQ high just like Bosco Wong from the drama. I think it's a good thing in working or social life. It's called opportunity, it's good when it comes.

It's time to heal my disorder now. I really need to. All the serious symptoms have popped up and I need to take it seriously now. it's already till the maximum extend and I can no longer keep dragging it. Time to work out and follow the diet to loose two more KGs, what I gained from last weekend. That's the side effect it you don't work out to turn your fats to muscles, tend to gain weight really fast. So it would be Day 1 today. I really need to make it work for one month the least before 2017! I need to make it come through! 

DAY 1 BEGINS! FIGHTING! 

27 November 2016

My throat

Great, I bruise my throat last Friday and it's a really bad sign for me already. I know what to do now. But yeah, I am really worried since there's quite a lot of blood. Hopefully by today it's gonna be alright, otherwise, I need to go to the hospital to check and I really dislike hospitals, the fees are expensive as well. Oh please. I promise to do what I should now. Three bad signs and that's it. It would be the end already. It's really dangerous already. I am aware now. I can't keep continue doing it I know. I am being really careful now. I would probably need to take just liquids for the next two weeks for safety. I wanna heal the throat now. That day really gave me a shock, when I saw the blood! I was like shit, one reason I hate eating fish as well. Maybe I ate too fast too, the ME. This is really bad  though. 

Anyway, the notes are really a lot for that one book! I underestimate it. It has many good notes that I keep writing for the whole day, I thought to write more when I was back on Friday but mum wanna go for a stroll so I brought her around. I drank two cans of Red Bull to stay awake till 6AM to do some of the notes and watch some dramas. But yeah, I still got sleepy and slept, I thought I can stay longer but that's not possible at all though. Maybe I did not have enough sleep for the past few days trying to do the notes, but yea I guess I have more time now since I am stopping it. Oh yea the work out thing. I am so lazy plus the weather I am even more lazy. 

I prefer to type using the macbook. Maybe the keyboard is better than mine now, I can type really fast with it. No wonder I prefer to  blog during the day. This keyboard is hard to type though and I keep having typing error if I type too fast. Oh yeah, I went to the family mart though. Since it's back to 24 hours now. There's still many people but I still feel it;s an overrated place. Nothing special except the ice cream, everytime finish when I go there. Never get the chance to eat it. That's it. Parking is hard as well. People who goes there during the night are weird as well, the dressings. Didn't know there's a club there but yeah. I only go there for the ice cream anyway but every time failed. Guess I need to go early of at the right time. Pfttt. 




I manage to dig out some old pictures for the past, like for god sake this is so lame! HAHA! Glad I don't do it now though. Those days. Feeling naive though. But we still need to experience it in our life right? Can't always be mature though. I mean, that;s life. I have meeting a lot of kind of people lately and I enjoy it, I learnt. I wanna make my life rich with useful experiences and knowledge! Thank you people! I won't hate you if you're no good cause I am not too.


26 November 2016

The final weekend for November

This weekend is the final weekend for November! Which means a month more to 2017 ! December is approaching next week, time passes so fast and it's really scary! In a blink of eyes, a year has passed and everything that has happened is still fresh on my mind, as if it happened just yesterday. Looking back to 2016, wait, back till 2014, there's so much has been happened. I can't believe I make it through. From good times years before, bad times and slowly getting better now. I have been through one of the worst time of my life, and what's more coming for me to fight this through? I am ready for more challenging task and obstacles cause it's time. The expiry date is up ! I am READY! BRING IT ON! This is life man. 

I am gonna try to apply for everything next year. I am gonna try my luck on everything. First thing first I am gonna apply for what's my priority. No harm trying but which means I need more sayings though. So I actually really hope the land settles by Chinese New Year. It will, it definitely will, positive. There's so much to do towards end of the year soon. I need to work out so many plans. So much to do soon. Feeling good and high spirit. 

I drank too much coffee lately. I am halting it by this weekend and supposed to start the healthy plan already. I have already achieved and it's time to maintain the good way. I SERIOUSLY NEED TO DO IT. Convincing, no wait, it's reminding myself everyday to do it. I have been dragging it for a year and no longer able to do so. It's time to really start. A year is approaching. I can't afford to do more. it's getting really bad. Lately, everytime when I see overweight people, I feel phobia. I keep telling myself I don't wanna get back into that shape, I worked sort of so hard to be what I am now, I don't wanna go back there. I need to get myself to work out to increase my metabolism, and reduce my capacity to gain weight if I am about to have a normal soon in next two months. I am trying to fix my eating diet now. Hopefully by January 2017, I can slowly increase it. First thing first, it's gonna be work out to prevent from gaining weight. I need to convert my fats to muscles to stop this worry. So yeah. PLEASE START! BE HEALTHY!

I am actually looking forward to this year's Christmas though I do not have plans. I think the best Christmas environment and decorations would be the one in Western countries. I am so envious, I wish to spend Christmas in Western countries again. I only had one experience in the UK, I wish to do it in other Western countries as well. This wish would come true one day. I will make it happen. I will do so. I want to. I really want to.







My last wish for 2016 is to have a special and wonderful Christmas and New Year, as well as my birthday! =3 WISHES.

I feel my blog has a lot of pictures lately, I am feeling good cause it looks better with pictures, otherwise it would be too bored with just words. Have a great weekend peeps! Appreciate every little time of yours. 2016 is coming to an end. :D

25 November 2016

Empty Promises

The worst thing can it be is giving empty promises, don't give a promise if you can't do it. Think before you say, that's wiser I should say. Otherwise, you're creating a bad image for yourself. I gave myself a really strong principle about this, only mentioned things you are able to help only if you can. I strongly stand to this, because I would create fake hopes if I do so. I can understand the feeling at the end. The person who feels so hurt and disappointed would be the person who's given the hope. I can differentiate between empty promises and kept promises now, I have studied much so I wouldn't be that disappointed when it come sto an empty one. I am scared of the feeling that's why. I dislike people who boast a lot too, blowing their own trumpet. We are all not a fool, to not realise it. Some may but yeah, lots to learn about people still yet. 

I feel so cold lately, yes one thing it's because of the weather but lately I feel cold really easy. I don't usually feel so last time. Because I lost weight that's why? My fats are gone to insulate me? That's not the possible reason right? But yea, I am brainwashing myself to go healthy and work out next week. Keep doing so till I will do it, I have been dragging it for some time though, and this is no good. I need to start as soon as possible. Can't exceed a year of it. It's gonna be dangerous. No point being rich and successful without a healthy health. That's what's more important about life and love from family. Then it would be complete. Even better, if you could find true friends to stand with you but that's truely not an easy thing at all. When you found one, learn to cherish them, don't let them go. It's a golden chance that you found one. But lots of people do not know how to cherish them, I have seen many. It's not about how long you know, it's about how much you're able to cliche during the period of time. Time doesn't seems to be important to me anymore. It's how well I can get with the person. Human is unpredictable, so does life. 

I am always envious with close friends and I wish I will have some in future comes. Next year onwards would be a fruitful year they said. I am gonna finish my plan by next month and carry them out next year. I am gonna take these golden opportunity! I can't miss it at this good period of time. Don't always happen so therefore gonna cherish it! Who knows! I will do it, everything and so. Overseas and career? YEAH! Let's do it. I am feeling much better now. I hope it's a good thing though. I hope I have made the right decision. Everything happens for a reason and I hope the reason would be good. Believe the good will happen as always! Regardless how's life has been going. 

It's just that I really like UK. Still, I wish to move to the country if I have the opportunity. Second, South Korea. I will find ways to get to these places. I miss the Christmas in UK. The merry and family love feeling. The fun and the people. I just really wanna return there one day. I feel so stressed that, I still can't find a way there yet. It's my biggest dream of all to settle down there. I really wish this dream would come true one day. It's just..... :'( 





Secondly South Korea would work out for me as well but not for long term though. Short period would be fine. Like my friend said, it's only a good place it you are rich. Probably a often visited place if I manage to settle down in United Kingdom? These two dreams is my main goals for a very long period of time. It's time to work it out to go there. There's definitely a way, definitely is. Feeling a little sad but I am not giving up, it's not me if I give up my biggest dreams. 




What's my other places that I wanna go besides these two countries badly. America and Australia or Europe! Asian countries? Taiwan or Japan would be good too. Hong Kong maybe as well? Probably towards retirement, Malaysia can be considered as well. Oh well, it's too far to think though. Let's see how 2017 goes first. :) SMILE :)

I am trying to speed myself up to finish the books by next week since I am gonna make myself to finish all the exercises before TOPIK study at March. So yeah. Since I am more flexible to study now during weekdays. Feeling satisfied. =3

24 November 2016

Frequently Writing. SERIES.

I realised that I have been blogging a lot every since my loved one passed away and betrayed by friend. Every since 2015, blogging has been my close and trustable  friend. I never really shared a lot about myself even my previous so called good friend doesn't really know much about me. I don't think she's still the right person to tell for some reason. But this time, to my recent good friends that I get to know, I have spilled a lot willingly to them. They shared their advices, experience and tried their best to guide me. Thank you.

The upper class don't always get to mend along with the middle class, that's all I can say. I can only wait for now and see how it goes before voicing out but this is such a waste to me though. Experience, background and maturity is really important. I admit that, I am lacking of all those at the moment and trying to build it little by little, guess I need to speed it up by next year onwards, since time is ticking. Have not work out my plans yet. Need to start it before 2017 approaches! The only different thing now is, I hang out less often and have more time for study, it's like back to my old lifestyle after almost half a year. The time is right though, since I am starting to revise for my exams. But yeah, I planned to resume my meetup attendance to widen my connection and social. I attend less for the past half year, so yeah I wanna know more people again now. Woots! Everything happens for a reason, at least I can call this as an experience. I became slightly more positive after mingling with the oppas. Feeling grateful :)

I have fully achieved my goal for myself. It's time to maintain it in a healthy way with a healthy diet. No more excuses to stop my bad habit anymore. So yeah, I am gonna seriously do it next week. Yes, I have been mentioning for half a year but always giving myself excuses. But now, since I have fully achieved it, there's no more excuse supposingly. DO me no good to keep continue it, I need solution to stop it once and for all, that's the way. It would be bad really bad to keep doing it. I feel it already, two symptoms popped up for some time, I need to be serious in healing it now! It's for my own good.

Actually, I feel less burdened and feel more light now. I don't know why. I never knew it had been such a burden for so long. I feel at ease though. For some things it's too good to be true though, at least I get to dream for a while. It's time to get hard on myself though. Stop dreaming and work on it. Of course, humans to hope good things or fortune come on easy hand but not everyone has the luck. Some would probably need to work really hard for it and grab the opportunity when the time is right.  Just be smart and positive! 

Lately for me TVB dramas has been good though. Especially Two Steps from Heaven, I like the fashion in the drama. Basically, I like the actors in the drama! Bosco Wong is loved =3 His fashion is a killer in the drama. In fact the rest as well though. The plot is getting more exciting now! I like the guy in the picture from the third picture! He's cute in the show but he's married with kids :( TVB actors really don't look their age! How they are able to maintain their youthful looks so good?! Well, this show is coming to an end soon but the new drama is not bad as well! Looking forward though. I don't basically watch every episode only from time to time. Pfftt. 




Korea dramas still soso lately but there are a few that I am quite looking forward though. Especially Goblin! It has been some time since I watch Gong Yoo in a drama. Moreover there's Lee Dong Wook and Sungje! =3 The storyline looks okay though. Well, from the appearance. Lately, Korean dramas haven't been able to catch my attention except the latest one, with Lee Soohyuk is still quite okay though I have always been keeping myself update with Korean and Chinese dramas. Taiwanese dramas are not so good compared to my high school time but I still watch them since I can improve my Mandarin. Mainland dramas are exceptional boring and ridiculous. I don't watch Chinese ancient dramas so I am not sure if they are the same. I only watch Korean ancient dramas which I do not understand why as well. I don't watch Mainland dramas with Hong Kong actors as well. I don't really like that Mainland dramas dubbed the voices. I prefer their voice originally. I have been a drama addict since primary. I watch basically all these frequently from Korean, Taiwanese and Mainland, even Japanese. But Japanese subs slowed down a lot compared to last time, so I actually watched lesser Japanese dramas now. My list is still outdated from previously halted subbed dramas. I can't watch them without subtitles since I don't understand unlike the rest. So yea, I will be clearing my lists before Christmas comes which means after I finished my notes hopefully. Or before New Year, let's see how it goes. Occasionally I watch TVB dramas like on TV when am in the living room otherwise, I won't. While English series, I only watch horrors. :D

My posts are getting longer day by day. I think I have more to say during the day since my energy is still up during the day while drained towards end of the day. I am feeling more bubbly lately. Just wanna feel as positive as possible. Brighter future is coming ahead! Fighting!