19 January 2017

Page 19 of 365. Sleepy

I feel sleepy really quick lately. I think I should start sleeping early though. Why am I keep sleeping so late lately? This is really bad though. My health is already not in good state, so no more adding to it! What am I thinking? I do my posts in advance, a day and even typing this I am feeling really sleepy. I am left with few books more to finish off, hopefully to be able to do it by next week. Some books are too basic for me to practise my exercise. Hopefully the coming one would be good enough, if so, it would take some time since I would have more to do though. Also, I am trying to cut down my ice cream and coffee! I would like to change my green tea diet once it's finished. I found something better, since green tea is also quite acidic though. Let's see how. Next month is gonna be hectic, so much to STOP and START. I can make it! Because I have been starting with fruits lately, I think I like orange though. I like juicy fruits and soupy food. I don't really like dry food though. 

Money is really a sensitive word. No matter how hard my situation is, I tend not to borrow or lend money, whether is among family or friends. You don't find just anyone that's has a big heart with money, unless those are kind hearted, extremely and rich, I guess less than 1% are only these people. If I have lots of money, there's so much I wish to do though. But yeah, the difference. Friend who is rich, just travels the same place or dine in to the same restaurant, can't understand. Maybe because I am someone who loves something different. I like new things probably. I would also like to open a shelter for stray dogs as well. I wanna build schools at countries who can't afford. I wanna build home for the elders that abandoned by their children. Also, welfare support for the homeless. You can save the world but the least, with lots of money, I can do these kind of stuffs.  It's easy to say but to do it's hard. You will never know if you stay the time if you are filthy rich. People would change. The good and kind heart varies from different people. Some people naturally has it, some through experiences. As for me, I don't know what am I, really. 

This week is the last week of Globin! There's no longer nice drama to watch. I would be back to bored and the normal me again. I never fantasised a series so much before and this is my first time, feeling old and yet young. Age is catching up, can't be so into it anymore. Talking about series, felt like it has been so long since I go to a cinema. I will like watching Resident Evil : The Final Chapter in the cinema since there's Lee Jun Ki. Yea, I enjoy watching Asians in American movies. Feel proud though. I am envious with the Asians who born in overseas because they speak good and fluent English, unlike me. Awkward. And they said, I have talent in language, do I ? I wonder. 

Final shopping probably this week with mum, little more it's gonna be Chinese New Year, I am actually really looking forward. It's my favourite festive of the year, one of them. Feeling the merry like Christmas but with family this time. That's call LOVE! Though it's not gonna be as merry as it used to, by the least, the only time where everyone gets together as a family. It's gonna be good and happy. Blissful 2017. Fruitful 2017. May all your dreams come true! 

Lately I am quite into make up. I feel like my interest towards more to girl's stuff grows as I get older. Isn't it too late though? I wonder. I started doing my eyebrow, put some light and simple make up, a little coloured bum and whatsoever. I just wanna look good for as long as I could since human aged forward not backwards, well I wish. So many people can't recognise me now. I am not good in remembering people's name but the face is still okay. I use this ability to recognise roads as well. I need to go/do it at least 2-3 times to lock in my mind. I wanna try not to use the navigation though. 

HAPPY SPRING CLEANING FOR CNY ! 

18 January 2017

Page 18 of 365. Hair is falling

I am feeling so worried and stressed now that my hair falls a lot and it's getting thinner. I want thick hair not thin hair. I have already included food that boost my hair growth and thickness and I really need to follow it by next month to fix my diet and stop my bad habit at the same time. It's action year so it's time to be serious! My chest is pain lately as well. So many bad signs and I am not stopping, more than a year and it's getting bad. I need to stop it once and for all. Health is hard to restore, so please! Don't continue anymore. Please. 

I am so much in thoughts right now since the new month is approaching and lots of things I need to decide right now. When to go and where to go. That's a really big question. I wanna make March as my final month so which means next month would be the hunting month. I wanna save my leaves for my preparations. Oh yeah and I didn't know there's such thing as compulsory leave. It's like literally wasting our leave. So now I need to apply half day leave on the following day. Wasting, grrrrr. I wish I am a freeman too. Don't need to work but still there's income coming in and just enjoy life. I hope mine is coming soon. Working hard and smart for my future! I can do this baby! I can do this! 

After Lunar Year, my diet would be a little heavier, I have included nutrients I needed for my diet and my hair of course! I just wanna go healthy. I need to. It's too much already. Even lately, I have been taking fruits for my lunch. I know it's still light but let me slowly get my diet back to normal okay? I am trying my best here. That's why it's part of my stress as well. I wanna be healthy and take care of the family and enjoy life. So I wanna work things out at the soonest, I don't wanna hear it's too late that's it. 

Lately, I am really into Obama's two lovely dogs! They are so adorable. Can't believe it has been 8 years since he became a President of the United States! For me, no one is perfect, but he has been a inspired President so far. I am really curious with Donald Trump's lead. Really curious, I guess everyone as well. I used to watch his show, The Apprentice! But as time goes by, I stopped watching. He's a really smart business man, that's what makes him a billionaire I guess, envious but why the President ? 






  
I was wondering if what I have done is right or wrong but what have been done, is already been done. Can't turn back time and fix things up. I hope my instinct is wrong at times. I hope I can feel more care and love ever since. I really miss those days. I felt they fill in my dad's spot that I don't feel so empty anymore. Sigh. 

17 January 2017

Page 17 of 365. Thinking

I don't want to think so much, please don't think so much, why am I thinking so much always? A Sunday out with my ex colleagues feels awesome. I was suppose to attend a meet up but I end up skipping it because I was lazy to rush from a place to another place. It was worthwhile though. Lately this word lavish has been playing in my mind lately. I wish I could do that one day without any worries. But anyway, had a long chat with le friend and realised I found someone on par with me. No wonder we can chat so well every time when just the two of us meet. She's as positive as my male friend too, that's why she did not realised she has already passed the obstacles. I wanna be like them too, I don't wanna feel so stressed. I don't wanna think so much. Makes my mood swing bad, especially during the time of the month. It's really bad, really got to change this part of me. Finally get to drink Coffee Bean, otherwise I am always with Starbucks, I tried all their season drinks and bored with their menu now. Felt like I tried most of it. Lately I am really into coffee but I am trying to reduce it, everything is all about after Chinese New Year.

I am still wondering if everything said was true but I guess I should ignore it for now, I am fed up of it. Hopefully it's true. I told myself that he would make excuses not to come last minute and end up it's true. I think I know him too well now. He always make it so obvious if someone is useful or not anymore. Honestly, I feel really offended but what can I do? I should be thankful that I still have people that still cares for me sometimes. That soothed up me, really. Wether he still does now, I don't know. I am too tired emotionally to care anymore. I wanna be like them positive. He only takes every action when I mentioned something. Not even an intention of invitation, assumption of not. Sigh, I feel sad though. Felt like I will only be part of the plan only when needed. Otherwise, there's no me. Or maybe I am just thinking too much. Not worth the thinking, at all. I hope everything happens for a reason. Let it naturally be for now cause what goes around comes back all around. Life of karma. 

Goblin will have it's last episode this week. Feeling sad now that there wouldn't be more dramas like this anymore. I like the storyline of this drama, really unique and nice. I never been so addicted in a drama more but this is good. I can't have the exact guess of the story for the next episode. Keeps you curious once an episode finishes. Gong Yoo and Dong Wook seems to be good friend though. I am envious! 




I think times like this, I really wish to go for a holiday but too bad I can't afford it. I have to have more good memories. Will that be possible? It will, it I put effort to build it. Money don't fall from sky but I wish it does. Chinese New Year is next week. Time passes really fast! This is so scary but I am looking forward as well. I like the hype of Chinese New Year, the family gathering and hope I don't put on too much weight after the festival though. I have put so much effort for a year to loose weight! I still haven't get my pants and cheongsam, this Friday would be shopping day though. I wonder if I have enough time but yeah, will try my best. 


16 January 2017

Page 16 of 165. Doing Good

Well, last Saturday was quite fruitful, I managed to get enough sleep, woke up with the sounds, I actually thought of sleeping a little more but can't seems to do so. Manage to have some time to fetch my mum to do her stuffs. Also just in time to be back home to get ready to out for my meet up. Meetups have been boring lately. I wanna know more new and interesting people but I can't seem to find anymore after them. I really wanna find new gang though, time? I guess so.  I hope they will come in soon. The meet up the other day has many people but it wasn't fun still, the drinks were expensive too so we didn't actually order anymore. I was outside chatting with my friend more than staying inside. There's one person that I am interested to know, but he doesn't seems to be, so I gave up actually. Will they be more normal people coming in? I doubting if I should be a regular member as well. I have been attending for almost like a year plus! Time passes really fast.

I rushed back since my friend is picking me up to hang out with him with his friends. His friends are pretty  friendly though, it has been some time since I met him and some of his friends. They did not change much at all. They finally go to the place that I wanted to go, always there's so many people. I never tried the rest, so I didn't know how great the good was, but customers continously coming in non-stop till their almost closing hours. Regardless on how bad is the economy is, good food will still have good business. F n B Business is good though. I think that their friends are good too. I manage to get myself into some jobs introduction too. I am looking out and will contact these people soon, coincidentally they wanna find new people too for the role I am looking for. So yeah. let me decide after Lunar Year but this week I will try to touch my resume, it has been so long since I updated it. 

After the dinner with them, I took Uber to Solaris Mont Kiara though. I thought it would be a hassle today to drive here and there since I am not in the perfect mood though so yeah. Met them there, they ate their late dinner. Again, chicken. I ate some as well and feeling regret though. Drank a little beer. Don't have the hype to drink a lot that moment then head to TREC. We actually sat at one of the Irish bar which I forgot the name of it, quite nice though. I like the environment of TREC, better than Changkat Street though. I feel like coming here more often to wash my eyes! There's so many things to observe or see! Ladies or guys dressed up quite nice as well. Thank god I dressed up quite okay the other day though. I did manage to drink since I need to drive them back and get myself back. I think the next time if we wanna go this kind of place, we can just not drive ourselves and use the available apps. I get to know more about Uber after taking it. Guess I can resubmit again since I can do it online now. I think this is a good idea though. They should have done it long time for much convenience. Oh well. 

I am not sure what to feel anymore, I weren't totally happy the other day as well. Those who asked me how am I, I am really thankful. I am confused, frustrated and tension but I only can bring positives to 2017! So Fighting! I can to this. The post seems to be long again. I like it. Now for my final words, I would like to put our lovely pictures in the group and they are cute. I almost typed exactly what they said. That's bad but yea also the safety as well. Older brother didn't join us for the late night hang out. Guess he was really tired with the whole day activity. that's a lot of students but really less adults. can be quite dangerous though. I really be like the older brother! Whatever attitude, like it no much stress and can cope with life. I am slowly learning right now and I did better again last two days! woots! 



If I am not driving on that day, I really would like to drink more that moment. I don't know why but lately yeah. I guess I am too stressed and tension, think too much as well. Something I hope it's true but some I do not. Left and right. I am confused with the meanings now. Oh whatever. Lot's to learn. I am waiting for my period now! So nice they get to travel, actually me too but this time I will treat it as a bet between sincerity or just an act. See how it goes now. I hope we would do well and I i will be a successful and awesome person! 

15 January 2017

Page 15 of 365. Breakdown

I had a half day of work last Friday though and I slept late the night before trying to spring clean my room. I am satisfied but not fully till I cleaned the whole house. Well, the whole day was really jam though, everywhere I go. Fetch my mum to sosco to do her stuff while I went to get a Starbucks but end up in the jam again. Went to Sri Petaling to get her stuff but end up the person wasn't there. Wasted our time and effort and petrol since we end up in the jam as well. At least there's still some time for us to go to Tesco to do our Chinese New Year shopping and we are done. Next week would be cloth shopping with le mum. I rush to Solaris Mont Kiara after the shopping. Rush again. Went to the wrong restaurant uninformed again. I forgot their style. Back to the old place because of someone. Well, I thought I could at least try that restaurant though. Too bad, when the person want to impress someone else. It's just sad. But I am glad that I didn't mind that time surprisingly, I gave myself a big heart. But after I drank some banana makgeoli, too much and fast I was a little tipsy. Usually when I am tipsy I would be a little hyper but my mood was really bad lately because of my extreme stress, I went to the bathroom and suddenly broke down badly. I don't know why myself as well, I was shocked too. I wanted to let it go last few days but can't seem to do it but that time, that moment I let it all go. Out of the blue. I stayed a while till I cool down and went back, then my mood wasn't that good anymore. They didn't even tell me that they are going some place classier. I don't even dare to return in when I was asked to change my slippers. I wasn't even informed. I was in bad mood enough, I wasn't even dressed well. I was so upset. I waited a while downstairs before even going up. I was disappointed. 

I had heart to heart talk with my good friend. I didn't wanna say it at first, but I think I would feel better saying it. He asked but he did not paster me. I am willing to say cause I feel comfortable. He would never really ask me but he know that I was really down and stressed. He knows the general reasons at home, but at last I told him another reason, the reason that I said I wouldn't want to mention anymore. But after saying it to him, knowing what I wanna know, I actually felt much better now. Maybe I should have let it out earlier so I wouldn't have do it in front of them again. I do not know why, but my tears spell only works when I am with them, in front of someone. I actually feel sad too when I see that person, why in this world there's such people. What comes around goes back all around is happening around him now but he did not realise at all though, that's too bad. I think there's reason that I wanted to broke down during then, I was so full of emotional, so stressed and disappointed with myself, so much thoughts. I was at my wit. But when I am with them, I felt comfortable. I hope I wouldn't shed tears for the same reason anymore. Thank you oppa, really thank you! I am thinking with what to get for him for this birthday since he got one for me. 



The view was really nice but I was really in a bad mood and I think I cried on the same day again. I cried thrice in front of them and I feel bad. I hope no more tears anymore in front of anyone. So not me! I never did this before, for god sake. Why in front of them? Thank you for being so understanding and trying to cheer me up. Thank you. 

Goblin drama really affected my mood as well, thank god it's the last week next week. I hope after next week I wouldn't be so emotional anymore. I cannot cry so much anymore once February starts! POSITIVE REMEMBER! Please don't be stress anymore, be positive and with strong will. I will have a bright 2017, I can work things out and succeed my career. I can do this! Now I think I can let it go now. Left with them two. =3 with love. I will let faith do the rest now. I will just do my part, sincerely and positively. 

14 January 2017

Page 14 of 365. Money

I hate depending on people but some times I have got no choice cause I don't like to be in dept and also for some people, they will "remind" you from time to time. I really dislike it. I hate money and love money at times. That's why people say money could destroy a person or a relationship and this is true. Money can be really scary. I just wish money wouldn't be an issue for me. I am feeling really stressed always when your parents always paster you about money, contribute this and that. I have not enough use for myself and yes, I do use the car at times and don't really contribute much which I feel I should chip in some from time to time. But.... I am really stressed right now. In another way I wanna feel really positive about 2017 and my future as well. It will turned out well but I want it to be quick, good times will come at the right time but hopefully not too old for me. Before 30? My age is catching up not down. I am worried. 

I don't know why I feel uneasy yesterday, not really uneasy but just uncomfortable. Maybe cause I don't have enough sleep and suddenly early in the morning, my mum mentioned something about contribution. So many stuffs playing on my mind, how and how? Will this and this? What about this and this? I just can't wait to do it after Lunar Year, I have been waiting for this period for two years! I am so ready to bring it on now ~ I am gonna get a new one and see how before leaving, a higher wages of course. I was supposed to work part time, but I can't seems to find some time last year so this year hopefully I can make it. I need to earn more and I need to save up. Just so tensed but yeah! It's gonna be a thrilling road to battle on! 

I have been posting lots of picture of quotes lately. I just need to inspire myself with more positives instead of negatives. I wanna shower myself with good fortunes and events only so I am reminding myself every single day to do so. Everytime I write it out, I really do feel better. Just don't wanna think too much. I need to carry it well! 








I managed to do some spring cleaning with my room last few days. Gave away some old clothes and skirts that I can totally can't find anymore. I realised that I am really fat before this, cause those pants and skirts are almost triple the size I am now. That's really sad, why did I made myself this way? I don't wanna go back to that shape anymore, I am scared and felt not confident. Every time I talked about this, I always thought about the workout and diet plan that I should have followed since last year. GRRR! I have been dragging too long and this is really not good for my health. I mean target/goal achieve so this year is maintain and healthy! I CAN DO THIS! Feeling the hype that nothing is impossible! I wanna succeed 2017 resolutions as well! FIGHTING! 

Big Bang gonna half their final performance soon before TOP leaves for military. That's really fast, didn't realise almost 10 years has passed since their debut. I have been following Big Bang for some time now. They have been my favourite group ever since, still as much and never changed. I hope they will remain as five as long as they could like Shinhwa. G Dragon produced songs that I really like. I hope he will continue to do so as well. He has been amazing. Big Bang. I am a big fan of YG Family. Not just them that I love, I love the other artists from the company as well. They have great composers since they picked out and trained the best. I always looking forward with this company. 




I wanna talk about my other favourite groups the next post that I followed since their debut as well and I still like them. Though not as much as Big Bang, I still like them but this stayed the longest! 

Blood donation next month. I don't know why but I am always excited and happy when this time approaches. I felt like I contributed something big but actually it's not much. I am just doing the best I can. I believe there's lots of people in the world who needs my blood. Who knows mine would be a match and can be used for those who needs it. You will never know and I hope for those who can donate, please do so! Especially those who with Os ! You guys are universal donor! Is my posts improving? haha. I should use more proper English, wait I need to actually. I wanna improve my English. I have been reading a lot of storybooks lately but some were quite boring though. I didn't get to go to Big Bad Wolf last year, as usual no time and I am still reading my old books from the other year I bought. I studied too much language but now since I am finishing my Korean studies, I have some times to read during my public transport ride. I used to study Chinese during my rides but lately I am just doing the reading since I planned to spend two months to study Chinese for my exam though. Not sure if it's enough but I think I will work out since it's just HSK4. It has been some time since I studied Chinese! Hope it's still in my mind, nahhh it still does :)

13 January 2017

Page 13 of 365. Friend Zone.

I feel happy when I see my coworker every morning, sad that she's gonna leave soon and so do I. I guess it's not easy to find good friends around though, who sincerely care for you. I am thankful I have met her. I wish along the road I would be able to meet more good friends. We need to have bad friends to learn and be stronger, so happened I am in the process right now. I think this is my third time. The first one the least, I did not know how to handle well though. I was too straight forward that time and too naive but thank god, I met bunch of good friends to overcome it. The least, it turned out well now. So yeah, we are all mature adults now. Changed for the good. Second one was really bad, I took some time to heal from it since it was from a 10 years friend. It was a little hard to accept and get over it but now, I am totally over it now. Her existence is none of my business now. But so happens if we bumped into each other in future, I guess I can still respond to a HI if she does it. From this part, I felt non-appreciation as the beginning. Hopefully the last one now, I felt the same thing. In fact even worse when it comes from an opposite gender, I felt. I felt that I am not in use now because of rejection. That's the worst thing to happen, good friends between opposite genders. But if it's not because ego and with a big heart, this problem can be overlook actually.  That's not the case now,  I was pushed to the corner ever since then, trying to cover up things. Act to show everything is fine, sad to say, a good show for others to see. Honestly, I feel hurt but I keep telling myself that I need to be professional and positive. Act along the way too. Why wanna waste my energy, feeling and mood for such people? Is it worth your time and effort? I was naive to treat him a good friend. Even normal friends, should I consider for how I am being treated now? I am greatly hurt by it actually. I was too naive but now I know, lucky it wasn't too deep so the healing process could be quicker. It's too obvious, we used to hang out as 4 so much now it became 3. I wanted to put it in a positive way, like probably he remembered what I said that I want to hang out only during the weekends but I remembered one of them said something about no mood, so I guess that's not it. I am sure that all from him was just not sincere at all and bad excuses. Childish for a grown man, not wise and in-mature for some reason compared to me in this sense. I wanna put everything in a good way, but there's so many things that happened that makes sure of my guesses now. That's why, when people say if you are sincere and truthful, things will go on smoothly and in a good way, but if you're the type that not truthful and not sincere, eventually, things wouldn't work out smoothly. In fact end up even worse. This happened a few times, till recently. Of course, I would try my best to play along the show but at the same time I can't help feeling sad too. Cause I really enjoyed hanging out with them and out of the sudden I was pushed to the corner, like someone that's not important in the group anymore, just call when needed, that's it. I wonder if my two other friends realised this and say something a little about it. If yes, I am really thankful. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to be in concertntoo cause probably it's just me that care so much though, my bad. I just wish they would talk out with me about it, to make me feel better, as usual an advise. At least. I know they still treat me as a good friend, sigh. I appreciate though at times, they will make me fit in, put in into the picture. I just wish that I could hang out with them more often lately since they are leaving soon. I wish I would be appreciated though. But yeah, this is just a wish. Nevertheless, I need to be positive. The real 2017 is coming, this is it. I need to train myself to be positive along the way! I don't wanna bring over my negatives over. Negative people around? Just ignore and pass by them. I hope I can heal this in a niche of time! WEEEEE! :D Reminding myself everyday, be a good actress, good for work and social connection as well. Improved but wanna improve even more. I am climbing up the stairs from bottom, catching up soon! 

Since I do not have a good friend to talk out my problems, blogging has been my best friend. I always feel better after blogging out my problems since I like writing, I think this is a good solution for me. I don't wanna share my problems with anyone anymore after they leave. I don't wanna show the so obvious moody me too. I need to do well! I think I can differentiate well now. Things happen for a reason, I am accepting this fact with a big heart! I wanna be strong, experience, wise and professional! I don't want to be just rich in cash but also rich in morality. I do envious people who born in silver spoon but now that I think of it, it's not good when comes to personality and experience in life, they are totally bottom zero on it since they have a good life since they are young. No other things are in their concern but just themselves. Only themselves and obviously and commonly, attention and insincerity. That's what I see so far, however there's still some good points I guess, like wait, I suddenly don't remember now. HAHA! but yeah. for those who became rich from the bottom are those who I really admire. They are not just rich in cash but rich in life too! SALUTE! I hope I am not gonna blog so much about it after today since I wanna be sincerely positive. Let it go and move on, life would be better.  YOU CAN DO THIS LADY! 

I feel like my age is catching up. I feel even worse since I exceed the mid 20s. Yet, I have not stopped what I should and begin exercise. I said I would to it this month but when I heart that the new year in Chinese calendar is on February, I changed my mind. I mean this is really bad though. I have been delaying it for more than half of a year! My health is getting bad not good ! I need to start work out this year, otherwise it would be too late for me! So let's try it again next week before lunar year? I don't want it to become worse actually. I am worried for this month as well since they would be a lot of family dinners to attend. So I am trying to keep my weight as minimal as possible. Since I don't work out, I would gain weight really easily. Probably after the second dinner with them, I would need to decide if this is right or wrong and the reason I invited them for new year eve, is because I really sincerely treated them as good friends. Since they are from overseas and this would be the first and last, I should have a big heart and invite them to express and repay my gratitude once and for all. Don't need to wish something back in return, they have already done much for me. I am feeling really thankful in heart. Otherwise, I wouldn't have sent the invitation. Let's just not think too much. SMILE everyday from the beginning of the day, and the year would be good and bright year. Remember, regardless with what has happened, SMILE because you are strong but not knock down but it! 

I am still in the honeymoon mood now but I know once lunar year is over, I have lots to do in fact towards lunar year I already have lots to do aside from preparations. I think I do things too fast as well since I finish my drama line ups and coming ones which I finished yesterday. I finished the variety shows that was in my list. I almost finish with my Korean revision, left with soft copy exercises before going into TOPIK II preparation. I thought of taking two months to study to take my Chinese exam before I leave. I have actually set all the dates for my resolutions for 2017. Yes I did, I love to plan my year or life I would say. I like them to work on schedule or succeed. The post is really long today, guess I don't need pictures for today's post. I hope today would be the last post that I type about the person that hurt me. Onwards, I would blog more about my success and people who makes me happy instead! :) I want to make 2017 as a really meaningful and splendid year, it's my effort to make it happen and my good luck too! ^^ 

The weather is so hot right now, really gives you the sign of Lunar Year is actually on the way. It always feel hot towards lunar year, ironically. Rains always towards end of the year so that's why people don't tend to go seaside during this period, in fact I think it's closed though. The opening would be in February every year I guess. Talking about holiday, I really wish to go for one right now though. But, I don't wanna say so much that I wanna go with them anymore. Felt like I would be frustration. Sigh and well. Let it naturally be. Fingers crossed. Of course if without one person, I would be more comfortable but I need to train myself right? So yeah, it would be just fine for me, I love to challenge myself right?! :D Post would be better and better probably? I mean lift isn't perfect there's definitely ups and downs in life! :)

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 2017! 

12 January 2017

Page 12 of 365. Disappointed and Sad.

I know I have to overcome this feeling sooner or later but it's better if it's sooner cause along the road to success, there's more people like this and probably much more even worse. This is just the beginning for me. If I find this out, it would be hard for me to succeed the gate away! So be strong and positive! I don't wanna bring this negativities to 2017 officially for Chinese calendar, I wanna be positive and happy a bliss and prosperous 2017 so I working hard to overcome this now! Patience, patience, control, control, positive, positive. There's no easy road to success. I think I cared too much and too naive, it's time to wake myself up and learn. PRACTICE PRACTICE! Reminding myself everyday. POSITIVE POSITIVE. I think I am doing well and there's more room to improve. I need to save money too, I try to reduce my hang outs on weekends. Since weekdays I don't hang out anymore, but one thing is I should stop spending money on food by next week onwards, on me it's a waste of money. I need to save up for Chinese New Year pocket money for le mother so yeah. Also, some finalising shopping as well. PFFTT. 

I have yet to start the healthy diet. I am worried now that it's not working out well. I need to start it somehow but... I will work it out somehow, soon, in two weeks time probably. I fix a little or to overcome another obstacles. What a life, a challenging and interesting one. I am enjoying overcoming it! This would change me to be better. I need to monitor from time to time though. I can't act rash at all. It's not a good thing. I have been controlling it well and I hope I will continue to do so or improve as time goes by. In future, I don't wanna talk about it or about myself anymore. I wanna see if it was realised by how I was treated. I just wanna see and learn. Of course I hope they would say something if they deeply cared but this is just not really the matter though. It's just be that thinks too deep, as usual. Deeper thoughts over deep thoughts. 

I finish the variety shows that I wanted to watch, finished my drama line ups and almost done with the half copy exercises, hopefully by this week. So that I can start with the soft copy exercises next week. Hopefully to finish before end up February. So that I can prepare for my new environment soon. I am eager for the next one, hopefully I can find an okay one before leaving this place. I wanna believe that it will work out, it will. Don't just say it but do it, actions to be taken soon since it's an action year! :) Lots of action to be taken though. I am gonna take this month a final break and officially fight the battle! Time to rock some goals for 2017! To also this year's goals as well! I CAN DO THIS! I am ready for this battle!







This is part of life, people come and go in our life. We meet good and bad people to learn. Everyone has to go through this path of road, I am glad I am going through it now and I have lots more to go. Cheers to 2017 for a fruitful year! Life would be good eventually if I am positive, the good outweighs the bad, never once it fails. 

11 January 2017

Page 11 of 365. Exhausted.

I have been really exhausted lately. I can't sleep well which I do not know why. Today is the try out plans for three days. I hope and I need to succeed regardless, to many empty promises ! Time to fulfil before the real 2017 reached according to the Chinese calender.  So eager to tender but have not fully prepared with what's coming next, lots of preparation to do yet still. Trying to fix my diet and finish my Korean studies for TOPIK II preparation. Need to do hunting and research. Easy to be said but need to do it as well. 

I am still addicted to Goblin though. Seriously, I never been like this before but the storyline is really good. The writer makes you guess what happens next but you wouldn't always get the accurate guess. I like how the plot runs, unique and interesting. The actors and actresses are good too, all my favourites, I mean most of them. The characters suite well. Good choice made. I can understand why the writer wanted to cast Gong Yoo badly, I can't think of any other actors that fits that character the best. I can't wait for this weekend's episodes already! I like the filming scenes in the drama, I even thought of visiting those places when I visit South Korea again one day. I never had this kind of thought in whatever dramas I watched but this is my first time. I like the kind of love the main leads are having, maybe cause I like older guys, mature guys. I like tall guys as well, I feel secure being hug by them. Like them =3 I don't wanna just dream. I wanna find one. That dude, just lost hope I guess. AWWW~ my bad, not gonna repeat the same mistake anymore. pfft, the world is different now, sometimes female has to make the first step, so not the me. grrr. 






I am trying to exclude my negative outs, as usual. I have reduce a lot of the negative thoughts but for 2017 I want my thoughts to be 90% positive, I am having an active hype now though for 2017! :) A good sign and aura right? I always need to finish a task before able to start a new one, I should multi task though. I don't have much time left. Tick tock tick tock. I need to get things done! ASAP!

I need to find more good friends, I want them to be Koreans as well but I know it's not gonna be easy to search for one like them anymore. People would leave, people don't stay forever but I dislike the missing thing. I am gonna be sad for a period of time, cause I feel I am too attached. Well, I am gonna be strong over time! I don't wanna talk about the person or about myself anymore, just wanna talk about the positives! HMPPH. Lot's to practice and change. It's gonna be good yoh! 

10 January 2017

Page 10 of 365. Spring Cleaning

It's gonna be a busy week towards Chinese New Year as always. Haven't start with the spring clean and to buy the Chinese New Year stuffs. Hopefully I can finis most of the exercises by then. I thought of saving my leaves for my last few days but I guess I have to use them to help my mum instead. Oh well. I guess this year's reunion dinner would be more merry compared to last year since we weren't able to celebrate last year. It would be our second year without our dad. It fells empty honestly. With him for Chinese New Year, it always has been merry since he likes family dinners and me too. This year is gonna be my first reunion dinner with my good friends and probably the last one as well. I wanna keep reminding myself to be positive towards the new Chinese 2017! Oh yeah, leaving out all the negatives and keep the positives. Change for the good! KARMA! :) 

Well, trying my best to actually reduce as much as I could with my bad habit. I need to stay strong in order to do so. Probably once a week during the weekend till Chinese New Year overs? I need to make it happen, this week onwards! Stay strong! It's definitely not easy since I have been doing it for a year. Health getting worse, so this year resolution is to be healthy and to maintain my weight. Not loosing anymore. F.I.G.H.T.I.N.G !

After Chinese New Year, there's lots of hunting to do. I wanna hunt for a better opportunity! Need to get my resume done, and preparation for interviews. The stress again but I need to be well prepared for it! Who knows, I might get a good offer and I might not need to leave the country, anyhow I wanna have a good job that I am able to work in overseas though. It's always been my dream, my goal to settle down in a good Western countries. Well, time to work things out. I wonder if I should get into a big company or medium size company or bank ? 

I can't seems to get in touch with the guy I am interested anymore. Not sure why the friend doesn't reply me anymore after my day. But yeah, guess there's no faith. Everything happens for a reason, so I guess he's just not the right one. Oh, it's just for fun. When will I able to meet the next one again? I want to meet a cool and mature Korean guy! Not Korean it's fine too, Japanese? Taiwanese? Hong Kong? But no Chinese please. 

I actually went to Chinatown, to try to get my qibao/cheongsam but failed. The price is not cheap and the designs are just soso. Chinatown doesn't seems to be like a Chinesetown, seems like a Bangladeshtown now! What happened to this area? The shop sellers are rude as well! I told myself that I am not gonna go Chinatown anymore. It's just waste of time and dirty. Just so disappointed with the place and people. I felt sorry to actually drag my friend along but end up we weren't really happy about the trip and it was really a hot day too! Lucky I wore it simple. Where is a good place for me to get a cheongsam I wonder? 

Always keep myself occupied with things to do cause I don't wanna think too much though. So I have been occupying myself with studies during weekdays and hang out during the weekend. Basically you barely see me at home during weekends. :) Should have a balance lifestyle.

Humans are single at old age for 3 reasons. First they are either workaholic, eager to just earn money and love doesn't seems to be important, Second, they have high expectation with partner regardless, like looking for an angel or celebrity partner and lastly, they are just W.E.I.R.D !