30 September 2016

Running Out, Last Day of September

Today is the last day of September and it's a whole new month tomorrow. I hope he would give a call soon. I wonder what happened that he has not given any call to us, we are running out out cash soon, feeling desperate. I may look okay from the outside, but I am effin worried inside. I really hope our last card would get the land. Oh please. I wanna sleep peacefully. I was invited for a Thailand trip end of the year, but now I thought of this I am not sure if I want to confirm myself yet, I don't have much myself as well. I wish I can travel leisurely without worrying about financial as well. Sigh, I am having a sad life now. All in my mind now is "How to Save up?, How to earn more money?, Should I buy this and that?". I am feeling depressed. 

I should be positive since the brand new month is coming, which means 2 more months till 2017, I am actually looking forward for some reason. In hopes that it would be a better year for us. We wanna believe that once the bad times are over, the good ones are coming. We just need to get through this right? We will right? We need to. That's how important that the house has a head, but..... sigh. What have our life became for the past 2 years? Do we deserved all these happening? I hope, everything happens for a reason. I hope. 

I feel so cold almost everything in the train and in the office, is it just me that it's quite cold though? While it's hot outside, the weather is not good. I don't understand why they have to have the air-cond so cold in the train? It's even colder during the winter! What is this?! The best part of the new train is, it's never on time, always packed with people and always stops at more than a station for some time. So even though you are early or on time, you would unknowingly end up late for work. I feel it's worst than the old train schedule. Now I even need to change station, that's fine but please be on schedule since the train is always packed now! My god! If I need to travel to PJ, it's even worse, I need to change twice. Pffftt.

At first, I have doubts and were not really looking forward, but looking into the local economy now, that's the only way for me to escape for the lest 2 years. I am not sure it's for real but I really hope it is. I wanna leave here and fight for my career life and earn more money for the house. I am sort of the only hope and I don't wanna disappoint them. Really, I am really stress now. 

29 September 2016

Towards the End of September

Today is the second last day of September! Time passes really fast ! 3 more months to go to 2017, I have not achieve much for 2016, just hard times since 2015, I hope things are getting better. I am all solo with work now, but not like I am given double pay, I am thinking if it's worth it for the effort. I am in waiting period, it's coming towards the expiry date now, the moment I have been waiting for 2 freaking years! I am out of the world soon! I wanna do well in my career! So much thoughts in my mind that I don't sleep well. Waking up at intervals. I just wanna sleep all the way through without waking up in the middle. It makes me really tired. 

Thanks to the time I have, I have been revising Korean really well. By next week I am gonna resume my Chinese memorising during public transport ride. It has been some time I took a  break thanks to Pokemon Go. Since I got bored over the game, it's time to study. And trying myself to make the habit to walk home, no more taxi. Exercise and save money. Wanna start some toning as well. I keep saying this for ages but I really need to get my arse up now. I wanna live healthy and comfortably. I don't wanna worry about eating. I am aging anyway, it's the right time to start otherwise it's too late.

I have the urge to go for trips lately. After the one in Awan Mulan. Wanna go with the old peeps, but the response wasn't that promising so I given up wanna plan a trip with them. It's disappointing, I am not sure if they are busy work or with their partners, but yeah I am gonna make myself believe those reasons. If I am sincerely treated as friend, probably some time would be squeezed or a reply at least. I am sorry that it made me felt so. Can't help it. Guess this is life. Probably I would plan some out with my family, next month or end of the year? Sigh.

28 September 2016

Vape and Friends, so called.

Yes, I have been doing vape lately, I know it's bad. I am just  gonna try a while and stop when the time comes, no worries. I will try my best not to do long, since the stick is not mine, and the liquid, I mean good ones are expensive. It's not cool for a lady to do outside as well. So yeah, I live only once, just wanna try something that I don't usually do. I like the new flavor I bought though, more than the one I was give. I wonder how long can these juices last once opened. 

I don't feel quite well since last week, I can guess why so I am deciding to slowly stop by next week, my new month. In another 2 days a new month is approaching and it would be 2 more months till 2017. I feel it's really scary looking at how time passed. Yet, the land is still waiting for it's buyer. I really hope the land will sell off by next month since this month is ending. We are really struggling to survive right now. I feel so stressed up. I feel tired so fast lately though I slept for 6 hours compared to last time, only a few hours. I really need to fix my bad habit at the soonest. It's doing me no good.

I just feel like doing short trips with friends lately, but you know, local friends don't really give you response. I am sort of gave up trying to connect these people. If they have heart, they would find some time to meet. That's why I always say, true and best friends are hard to find. I wanna have one, but it's really not easy to find. I am always trying to gather my high school gang, our usual one, but no one seems to give a damn, so I decided to give up. Just gather the usual small gang will do now. That's it. Not worth my time at this moment now. I am really tired. 

27 September 2016


I am feeling tired so tired yesterday which I do not know why since I slept for 6 hours, the average adult sleeping hours. It's not my special month either. There's so much for me to think about, when the uncle hasn't call yet. It has been almost two months and I am honestly really worried. Probably add on to my hair fall as well. I try to stop my habit by this weekend. I need to get rid of it, it's doing me bad. I need to go healthy before 2017! My new resolution. 2017 is my career year, I am looking forward to do some overseas plan and I hope it will go well. Bright ahead and be positive, as positive as possible. Save us someone please?

I have been a little sensitive lately. I think mainly it's because of our house problem, I try not to show it anymore. I don't wanna be a burden from the mood. I will try to hold it as much as I could, I need to learn this for future use. I am either thinking too much, overthink. Even if it's true, I can't bother much, I can't be too sensitive. Learn to overlook a little, it's good for me and the others. I am not sure it's for real, of course I hope it is but even if it's not I can understand. They have the rights that I can't control. I understand. It's my faith, our faith and we need to go through it. I am mentally and physically tired. 

I am just waiting for time now. My heart is no longer there and this is dreadful actually. Wasted my 2 years time and it's time to shine! I am not a positive person but I wanna try my best to be one. Life has been tough lately, I can't fall. I need to find ways. 2017 is approaching and I need to make it, I will. 

My memorising is faster than scheduled, I hope to finish by today so that I can go with the new grammars but next week. At least I will have at least 1-2 weeks break from Korean study. I am not sure if I wanna to continue the Korean class if so happens everything works well, I will be wasting my money. Left undecided, this is hard. So much plan is hanging. 

I do not feel well pretty often lately. I think the symptoms are getting worse. I need to stop ASAP, I need to. 

26 September 2016

Time to Resume

Okay, I let it go this weekend and it's time to loose back  what I gained for the past two days. I need to work out I keep saying it but I have not been doing it at all! It's gonna be end of the year soon, I need to stop the bad habit before November which means October is my final last month, I can't make it a year habit in fact more than a year as well. This is really bad. Health is getting bad and hair is falling more and more so I need to stop it instantly. Hopefully by next month, thinking about really starting my tone up! Next week maybe? I need to loose more weight. Oh please stop eating already. This week I am gonna try coffee diet during the day. Let's see if it works.

Finally next month I have some income coming in. Hopefully for long though. I want more instead, guess I need to find a way. That's still not enough though. Maybe I should get another student. Probably would be good. Maybe I will try to browse around. This week probably. See if I can do anything. Guess work would be busy too since I am alone, can't show that I am efficient, I don't want them to make use of me, not like they will increase my salary. I am sure of to get off here after CNY, right away that is. I want to pursue my dream approaching CNY, so I was hoping the opportunity given to me is for real and at a good reasonable price. I don't want to put my hopes high either but prays that it's real. Fingers crossed.

I have been meeting my high school mates lately. Glad that they have been doing well. I know that I should jump work now, I am just waiting for the right time and value. That's why I am stuck here. Gave me some time to study my languages as well, that's how my Korean and Chinese improved much with the reading, writing or grammar. It's almost time to pursue my career. Time passes really fast. The last time I would just talk about it, when the time will come? Now it's almost here already. I am eager to do it. I wanna succeed. Most of my friends are doing well, I wanna prove that I am doing better than them. I can do it, enough of waiting, it's time to fight this battle. Effort really nails it so let's do it! 

I am still deciding if I should go for the Korean language study since now I have to fork out some money, I might not go for it if I am given work opportunity, that would be better right? I just wish everything would get well soon. I am so mentally and physically tired worrying about it. Please. 


25 September 2016

Awan Mulan

Went to a retreat area for a short getaway. Awan Mulan was our choice. The place is nice, well organised and has friendly owners and person in-charge. It's really a good place from to rest from the city life. The thing is, the internet or line doesn't work good here, which is a problem to me, my problem since I can't survive without internet, I am city girl, I admit that. The road to and flow to the place is a little dangerous at night so it's good to go during the day before 6PM. For me the price per room for certain amount of person is a little pricey since it's not a hotel. You need to worry about the night since there's lots of bugs when the lights are on, my phobia! 

The room is connected, just that this is just slightly separated so this was the girls room. Not bad though. But it's a little hot when we arrived there so I took a swim in a swimming pool near our place, there's two swimming pools, ours the smaller one.  

The more public room since the 2 queen size bed is in the living room/near kitchen. The guys slept here, basically the all the windows and doors are open though during the whole day.  We even had BBQ and snacks for dinner. Koreans seems to be a big fan of mooncakes. :)

The view from our room, the forest, close to nature. The sound of the forest makes you sleepy during the night! The lullaby of the forest.  

This is the bigger swimming pool and it's nicer then the small swimming pool near our place. This big swimming pool is near the owner's property. I am envious with these people though. grrr. Basically the whole area is theirs and the internet line works well here as well!  

The oppa who constantly wants to model and keep asking me to take a picture of him, a nice one and here he go. =p

We swam during the night though for the big pool and this is the view during the night. Not bad, I feel so so with the place cause I prefer city but this place is really nice for those who love countryside. Wanna have bonding relationship and communication? This is the place.

After the trip, we went do dal.komm, our headquaters. Wasted some time there. I even manage to buy my vape juice while killing some time, it's expensive but I can afford to go for cheaper brands since I do not know what they mixed or trust-able. 

I ate so much for the past two days, gained much and it's time to loose back the weight by this week now, I do not want to gain what I have lost. After today, no more eating solid big stuffs! GRRR! AGAIN! 

24 September 2016

Fat Fat Day

I went to renew my passport yesterday! Went in the morning and there's already many people there waiting ! I thought I could skip a little the waiting part. But still, there's people who reached earlier than me! Those in the morning even need to collect their passport in the evening like me, moreover there's not many people in the evening, maybe I should have come in the evening instead of coming twice! Stupid local system, always so! Frustrating. 

Went to buy a new wallet since my old one spoilt. Wanted to buy swimming suit but there's no nice ones! So end up not buying any of it, probably will buy it online and see how once my salary in next week. Wanted to bring mum for shopping but I need to rush back to meet my friends so instead we went for a heavy dinner which we said we did not want to if we had a heavy dinner! This is bad but good at the same time. It's a Korean BBQ Buffet at Bambu House. It's okay though including the service, maybe it's because there's not many people yesterday! We are so full for the night! Even had bingsu at Sweettree, finally they have it but it's quite pricey though. Apparently we had our dessert free due to some problem which I try not to mention, but the service there is good! Thumbs up for the cafe! 

We enjoyed our meal together and I did not realised the time, which I hard to rush back, once I showered and get ready got a text from my friend that's he is coming over already. Thank god I make it in time to get ready myself. 

Their hotspot. I do not know how to spell the cafe name, Cafeniess? I don't really like the place, I do not know why people like it here. It's noisy and the live band only sings sad Chinese songs, boring. The hookah was not so good, the menu is pricey. definitely not my hang out place at all. 

I was out the whole day that I did not had time to clear my stuffs for today. I prepared everything right away once I reached home, since it's only one night, there's not much to pack though. I should be sleeping at this hour but am updating my blog now ~ Hope the trip is good as eventually I do not have the desire or hype to go though. Fingers crossed. 

23 September 2016

Not in the hype

I don't know what to say. More trouble after another. I don't have the hype to go but yeah, I still need to regardless. I am always the one who stays the furthest so yeah. I need to travel all the way to PJ as usual. I hope the trip is gonna be well though I feel not so good about it. I am just gonna stay silent probably. Pretend that I am fine and alright. That's what I am gonna do again as usual. Poker face. GRRR~ 

Need to renew my passport later today! I hope it's gonna be a quick one since I hate to wait! I am gonna go really early, I thought I can sleep in though it's my off day. Oh well, maybe on Saturday then. pfttt. I have all my time to sleep when I am back. I thought of changing my phone but I guess, I don't wanna do it now since I reformat my phone, I wanna save more money instead. I thought of bringing my old swimsuit but guess it won't fit now. HAHA! I grown tall okay! I wore it when I was in primary! If I can still wear it, means I did not grow at all ! 

No more shopping for phones. Save money alright? Need to save to buy swimsuit! HAHA! 

Nothing to type more. Boring day. Need to finish memorise. 

22 September 2016

When is it gonna settle?

It's getting more anxious and I am keeping myself as positive as I can, because I believe it will be resolve with a good ending. That's what I wanna believe. I just wanna get through this with a happy ending. It's gonna be good, it will. I don't wanna think negative at all. I have been dreaming so much lately cause I have been thinking so much before sleep. I am tired when I wake up. Anyway today is my last day of work for this week since I am having my off day tomorrow to renew my passport. Makes no difference since I need to wake up early on my off day. 

I am slowly achieving it but my body health is getting bad, I really should stop what I am doing right now but I did not. This is doing me no good at all. What the hell am I thinking? The symptoms are not enough ? I really should think about it man, lets' do it healthy please. I am scared as well. My health has been not quite good lately. 

Korean study has been good. Plan ahead till end of the year. So yeah, wanna see how the progress goes before deciding to  continue my Korean class and plan ahead for 2017 Korean study. My Chinese study has been really slow since I only study Chinese when I am at work but not at home, even weekends I am studying Korean or I am out. I can't seem to slot in Chinese to study, too much on Korean. Let's hope this pays off! I wanna do good in both languages before getting on with Japanese next year, hopefully. 

Great, colleague resigned and this week is his last week. I will be doing two person's job but my pay doesn't seems to be doubled as well. Next week much coming in, good thing but hoping for the better. It will. Have been positive about it! 

21 September 2016

Hopes and Wishes

It's gonna be end of the month but uncle hasn't contact us yet. Honestly, I am really worried but I need to be as positive as possible. I hope he keep his words cause we are having a really tough time now. It's just hard on us for what's left on us. I just wish everything would be better on us before New Year, in fact hopefully before Christmas. I wanna spend a non-stressful festive season. Oh please. fingers crossed. Like he said, be as positive as possible. Life doesn't always  go the way you want, life don't always have ups. There's down as well. We just need to go through it with a strong will. I believe we will get through this obstacles. We have already pass through one tough one. 

I feel so envious with people who's doing so well with life with a young age. I wish I can achieve that soon too. I am old enough and hoping next year would be it, my career is coming. I don't wanna achieved it at a too old age. I wanna own a nice house and car by 30! Few more years to go and I need to do it! BE POSITIVE! I CAN ACHIEVE IT! It's getting good soon! Right?!

I just can't wait to say this after 5-6 months! I am goddamn leaving this place, finally. It has been too long for the waiting and patience! I hope this worth the wait. I really hope. Fingers crossed. 

20 September 2016


The worries are getting stronger and stronger as we are running out of cash. I don't know what to do now, the uncle has not contacted us for some time, we are actually really worried right now. Desperately, we need a land buyer right now. With the economy now, we really hope to sell the land with a good price as possible. I just hope everything will resolved this month, uncle please contact us. We have not been sleeping well. We need to get over this obstacle. It's hard to imagine. I am so stressed and worried always. I am tired. 

Adding one, I haven't been loosing weight ever since, 3 more to go now because of myself. At first it was 2 more to go. I need to loose at least 1 more this week and two next week to complete or achieve my goal for the month! Please succeed it for this week the least, I wanna stop the bad habit before one year approached. I can't exceed a year, that would be really bad. I was suppose to work out long time ago and I haven't yet. That's why I hope to achieve the goal but this month and start maintaining my weight with exercise and healthy diet next month onwards! 

I stopped my Korean for a month, not sure when to resume. Next month or the following month? Because of my goal next year, I can't decide when to start or whether to start. I am suppose to finish my Chinese book and I have yet to finish yet. It has been so long and since expo is over, I suppose I should have more time now. I hope to finish by next month the latest though. Dragging too long, I wanna take the exam before I leave next year. I really hope everything goes well. I hope to earn more money next year. According to my sales manager, the salary offered is not a lot, so that gives me a heads up about the pay. I should talked about it when the time comes, the right and correct amount. Prays. 

Rest day enough, I need to find a day off to renew my passport, I need to go in the morning to avoid waiting for 100s! GRR! Hopefully to do it by this week! 

19 September 2016

Last Day of Expo

Yesterday was my last expo~ ended devastatingly. The economy is so bad right now that the sales are not so good this time! It's sad to see what the world has became now though. It's not easy to survive the outside word now, money is so important. As well as status! When is it gonna be my turn? I am still waiting, and waiting for the chance to come, and now I am searching along with it and I hope to achieve it pretty soon. 

I slept for only 3 hours again. It's really hard to survive through out the day, I was so sleepy and I need to do stuffs, so I walked around to stay awake though it's not easy. I heard that the crowd is better today but still there's not many cases still. I wish the world would get better. Apparently, vape is not good for non-smoker, better not to start. I am just gonna do it for leisure for a while and stopped once I get bored. I am always fresh with new things and get bored later that so yeah. Let me play a while. Probably gonna get a new flavour though. I need to finish the one that's opened within 3 months, advisable. Damn, I wanna try new flavour already!

I need to renew my passport later today! I hope I can make it this time!  I travelled all the way but there's none so I need to do it right now! HMPH. I even have to wake up early for it. Oh please! 

18 September 2016

The Adult Talk

Finally manage to fix the problem at work yesterday, such a hectic and can't sleep well! Woke up in intervals to solve the problem, I am really grateful with the supplier that helped. He's really an awesome man. The company is really lucky to meet supplier like him, for others, they would probably just ignore you. 

I planned to attend a little late for the meet up but never expect myself to be this late, since the aunties came. Chat with them a little, almost decided not to attend but end up I did. Many familiar faces as usual, not many Koreans to know and coincidentally, meet a friend of friend of mine, guess he did talked about me with her! I wonder what he said though, seems like they are really close. Oh gosh, reminds me of him and I miss the moment though, the probably one of the best birthday so far. I wish it happened more often though.

Later that meet the oppas to get my electronic vape! I am doing it without nicotine kay! I just wanna try for a few months probably. I need to make sure that I do not get addicted with it, met my friends while having dinner! Such a coincidence! I never mention any bingsu lately, guess the crave has stopped but after some time here we go. 

How nice of oppa to separate the red beans for me :) Feeling grateful that he still remembers. But this is okay. I no longer have this craze though. Lately it has been Starbucks new flavours, two more to go but I feel it's too expensive though. We talked like hours here till they closed! There's so much to hear and talk though. That explains the reason why I enjoy hanging around with people that's much older than me though.

We continue our conversation at his house though. Cozy area, love the place though but it's expensive. I wish I can afford the place one day, and it's near Korean town. My favourite place. Ahhhhh. 

My dad ended well today and I need to work later today. This is sad on a Sunday! 

17 September 2016

Time to go Strict

Let myself go for a day and tremendous weight gain. Time to start strictly till end of next month, can't afford to loose another month anymore.I have been gaining instead of loosing, I am feeling really worried now though, really am since I am not loosing any weight at all since July! I hate myself for not able to resists, it's hard but you can do this man! You almost to reach it but now need to start from scratch! It's sad but  I still need to do it no matter what happens. Beginning  today, which I do not know how many times have I said these say, I need to keep my words now. 

Yesterday was the whole day spring cleaning! I took the whole day just for cleaning for the whole house, even got the car wash and the dog for grooming, feeling a little complete now though. Feeling good and fresh before the dinner with the oppas. They ate really well during the dinner. Guess they love my mum's cooking though, ate two rounds and desserts. Mooncake even. I had a good Mooncake Festival celebration! Feeling bless and thankful, even had a chat with le mum. Grateful, hope it's genuinely gonna stay for a little longer, this moment. My dream, one of it. 

Initially our plan was to go to Putrajaya for a drink but on the way there, we realised that there is sound with the back car's type. There's actually a screw poke through it. Nice people willing to advise and help, glad to know that this world still has nice people but end of getting the help of my friend. At the end, was advised that the car still can run for another 30 more KM, oh well better get it fix than nothing. Waited for some time at the gas station there. Friend was nice enough to buy some Macdonald ice cream for us while waiting though. :) After the car was settled, our initial plan was cancelled and was forced to change our location while some needed to return home. Ate dim sum during midnight is totally a bad idea, which add on to my weight that I should loose now. Feeling really stressed as always said but keep doing it. The trip is next week already, the maximum that I can do is the strict diet, and it requires strong will. I NEED TO DO IT!

Don't know if I am about to feel happy or not, I was introduced to a cute dude. Not sure if it's gonna work but yeah, no high hopes. Another reason to achieve my goal now which I was suppose and almost to achieve goal last few months. LETS FUCK THIS MAN! DAY 1 for the countless times! 

16 September 2016

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival

Yesterday was the first day of the baby expo,  the crowd wasn't that good at all, it was so boring. There's nothing to see within the expo for me to walk around, I am only able to do so during those breaks, I need to pack food for my sales person. That's it. I think it's because of Mid-Autumn Festival that there were less crowd and it's public holiday today as well, basically long holiday. wonder if there's still people here in KL though. The road is smooth these days and I like it though. 

Once I am back home, took my dinner and get my self ready. Last minute decided to have a karaoke session. Well, probably my last singing section at Cheras Neway now. Extra charged uS RM55 for our midnight session and the songs are still so old, I come so often and I am really disappointed with the update songs. This is really sad though. 

For the past 1 week, I did not touch my memorising book and my weight fluctuates really quick within just a week. For such, I am still at the same pace which I can't. Hopefully next week I am able to revise and sleep properly though. Let's see how than.

I do not know why am I updating my blog at this hour, the night is the better confession they said and I hope it does me well.

I hope it's not too late to wish everyone Happy Mid Autumn Festival! Have a great dinner with you families and love ones. They need it. 

15 September 2016

Up and Down

Yesterday was such a busy day~ ! Went to office a while to make sure the Expo stuffs are out to the location then rush to Midvalley to watch on the set up! KTM as usual, long wait, almost spent 40 minutes waiting for the public transport. Amazing local transport! That's why I hate going there with public transport. The fare increased as well! So expensive now, I thought public transport prices should be reasonable but now to me now! And it's packed with people, not all the time they have female couch ! I really hate it here, I really wanna leave the country, when can I do that? Next year please? few more months to go? 

Head to Pudu UTC right away to renew passport but apparently they have reached their quota! Wasted my time and energy to travel to that place, guess I would do it next Monday morning probably. Too many public holidays this week, hard to find time to go there though and there's event this event, feeling really busy for the week already! I am feeling so exhausted though but heading to somewhere else after the long day. Add on to my exhaustion. Felt like I aged 10 years today. 

It's school holiday this week and it feels good that the road to work is clear. If it's not because of the EXPO I would have applied for a long holiday this week as well! Save up for end of the year than. I wanna keep more for long holiday, well hopefully I will have the chance. 

I can't believe I spilled it all out yesterday night. I don't usually do that, there's only 3-4 person who knows the truth beneath my sorrow for the past 1 and the half years. I can't believe for the second time I cried in front of someone. Some thing that I really don't usually do or express! What is wrong with me lately? Am I at my maximum already that I did so? I am really tired standing on my own, hold everything to myself or sometimes, wait most of the time blog about it. Write it all out is my only method. But this time.. I expressed it for the first time of my life. I feel... I don't know...

I hope next week I am able to finish at least half of the new vocabulary memorising and have a good sleep and rest. I guess I need some though. Lack of sleep lately. 

14 September 2016


I solve during the day problem but now the problem arise during the night now. This is so fucked up. I was so almost to success on my first day and in one night I ruined the whole thing, became 4 to 5 instead, again I gave myself excuse! WHAT THE HELL! What was I thinking~ I was almost achieving it already but now, it's back to normal ! It's so hard to loose the remaining 5! Why is it so! Oh please! PLEASE CONTROL TODAY till weekend at least, nice oppa is not in for a week, I should be able to to do it before the trip! I need too, so water during the day only now or some brown rice green tea and coffee during the night. That's it from now, nothing solid but just liquid! I need to stay strong, I failed two nights and hoping this would be the last! FUCK IT MAN! PLEASE STOP EATING DURING THE NIGHT when you succeed the DAY! STAY STRONG!

This is so hard, but tonight its gonna be a challenge again, this time I need to stay strong to resists! Otherwise I am gonna drag my bad schedule till a year! I can't afford  to let that happened! SO PLEASE START ALREADY! 

I was in a bad mood, no mood swing yesterday and I feel bad for the sudden changed when picked up the big brother. It's just so sudden that I would think of things. I can't help it to not think about it and cause my mood to change. Again, for the second time I cried in front of someone! WHAT THE HELL!? I blast everything out which is so not me though! I don't usually do that, I usually do it myself or here, that's it but this time to someone?! :(


13 September 2016

What is Wrong with Me?

What the hell is wrong with me? Why I can't control it these days? I have been ruining my results so badly from last week? I am left with 2 weeks only probably less to achieve it now! What was I thinking? I hate myself really. It has been crazy lately and I am really upset about it, now I need to go fully on water till the day it comes. In hopes to loose what I have gained! I asked for it, it's my fault. I deserved what I need to do now, though it's gonna be really hard! 

We actually decided yesterday was suppose to be our rest day, slept really late in the morning but I manage woke up before noon. So last minute decided to go for a shopping instead! Din manage to shop much though, not many clothes that I am fond of so yeah, bought mostly dresses for work or outing, nothing much. No tops or pants. The mines has gotten so much better than before, there's so many new things! It has been so long since I been there. Use to be our family hot spot when we were young but no longer as we got older! So we had this for lunch there! It was actually indeed quite good though. 

We basically went to 4 different places yesterday. First was The Mines for some shopping and our lunch, then we went to IKEA to get my mum's glass thingie, then to Tesco Cheras, cause according to mum, only there has the milk she wants to buy. Later that to some hawker stalls near Taman Yulek for dinner. Lastly to a mall near my place to buy some mooncake! What a day though. After today, I gained 2KG instantly and I am so fucking regret it right now, so I am doing the water diet this week and liquid one next week, fuck it before the trip.

Once I touched down home, about to get myself ready for bed. I received a call to go Genting! HAHA! Instantly said yes, cause it's my favourite place though. I have been going there really often lately. 

Amidst of all these, I am actually really worried about the land, 3 more weeks left and now 2 more weeks left. I really hope to have a good buyer by this month. Oh please, I am stressed enough. 

12 September 2016

Deep Shit Me

Because that I failed yesterday night, there's no result today at all, no progress or anything. I am feeling so deep shit now and it's the trip tomorrow which is even harder to resists! Why did I do it yesterday night?WHY? See what happened now! I feel so stress now, it's already stress enough and I add on to it, though it's lesser than yesterday there's no results or progress at all as of now! What am I doing to do? TT 

I was so tired today that I did not go for work. Guess yesterday was my last day instead. I can't do this so often, probably to say I am too old for it. Finally I get to have a total rest today. I hibernate almost the whole day.I feel so much better now though. After restless weeks. Since I am gonna be really busy this week as week. I was suppose to achieve it last week but I failed it with nothing, if I say again this week I need to get it. It's hard to resist, but I need to work it out. Probably twice or thrice a week. I don't wanna make it a year of myself doing it. It's bad already. TOO BAD.

Later today, the olders planned to do a day Trip to a place name Tanjung Sepat for a farm visit and whatsoever. I am leaving a day free just to bring them there. I am not a fan of all these places, but because I have always been out, so guess I need to spend some time with the family. So yeah, here I go. Wonder if I can do it during the trip as well just to loose it back! 

11 September 2016

Genting Highland Again

Well, yesterday was quite busy at work, non-stop the whole day and I am so tired towards end of the day! Met the gang after work and went up to Genting once again! Genting has been our regular meet up place though lately. This time it's really cold in Genting and there's some nice decorations! 

There's more pictures to it but I am lazy to upload it though. I like the lightings. Anyway, it was quite jam on our way to Genting. maybe cause it's an off day tomorrow, everyone is going back to their hometown. We left early but reached late, longer than usual.

It was so hard to resist when I saw those breads when I was back but I strongly told myself that I can't do it, I am already so close to what I need to achieve. Just bear with it for a day and you can do it tomorrow a day okay?! PLEASE HOLD YOUR HORSES! YOU CAN DO IT!

Today would be my last day of my part time work. I would be really busy to continue in future. So much to plan, do and worry about. The biggest concern would be the land to be sold off. Fingers crossed. It will definitely will. :)

10 September 2016

Failed Again

I just two and became more, it's just so hard to reduce the two! Now I need to go all over again. This is so devastating. End of the month is on the way already! I hate myself for not being able to control it. This is so bad, I have been dragging for so long and I really don't like it though. I need to achieve it the least before my trip this month! I NEED TO! Let's to some slight exercise for flat stomach? At least some, duh! 

I am so not in the mood lately, I am really worried about the house financial status now. The land is still not sell, Taiwanese buyer back out and wasted our time and we are running out of cash right now. The deepest of my heart, I really wish the uncle purchase it right now, though it would be at low price. I meant it, we really need the land to be sell off now. We need to survive, please uncle. I pray. I can't sleep well. Stress with money and my weight. How to earn more money. This is my life? What have it became? I feel so stressed and tension and worried. 

I want this family to do better, to live in a better life. I wish my opportunity is coming. I wanna give my family a good life on behalf of my dad. I just want to succeed in my life. I wanna show that I can do it as well. I don't want to be envious with anyone anymore. I want people to be envious of my instead! I wanna fully achieve my career by 30 which is few more years to go. Tick tock tick tock.

Apparently one of my friend's friend wanna give away a corgi! If this is really true, I really want the Corgi! How could the person gives such a cutie! I am really interested though.


9 September 2016

In advance of schedule

I manage to be in advance of my Korean study schedule. Feeling satisfied now. I manage to succeed my first day yesterday as well. Hopefully I can do it till this weekend. Wait, I need to not hopefully. I am scared that it will be hard to control by tomorrow, but I need to be strong to make sure that it will not happen since my results is ruined! I need to stay alert! New line up of dramas is coming soon while the current ones are gonna end. Wow time passes so fast though! My drama lists to watch is back on track, lots and lots. I should find some time to watch though.

The casting for the current dramas are pretty bad though to me especially the actresses! So disappointing for k dramas and TVB as well. Not watching any TVB dramas lately too. Not so nice this time. Also, American Horror story is actually quite boring. Thought of watching Vampire Diaries, but its too love story which I do not like. So back to My Wife and Kids ! Damn it's funny. I miss the show, should have more seasons! I love this show! 

I am not sure if this weekend is my last weekend. I am still considering though. Should I? It's taking lots of my time and the pay is not that good. I will need to see how the tuition goes to decide! TSK! 

8 September 2016

I let IT GO

I don't know what happened yesterday, I just let it go a little, and stuff myself with liquid and some snacks. I must be crazy, it has been so hard for me to achieve what I have now and I am ruining the results, what was I thinking? Now I am so stressed about how am I gonna loose what I gained in a niche of time. In fact, I was suppose to start exercise but I did not, I do not know why am I so tired this month's PMS. I have so much excuses! Now I have to go full force two days probably on just water during the day. If I ruined it again I am so dead. I hope by this weekend I can start a little of shaping. Hopefully to work out something within this 3 weeks time before the trip. Bikini man. Oh please stop already! Yesterday needs to be the last shot! It's so dangerous and bad!

I feel so emotional lately, maybe it's because of the festive, reminds me a lot of my dad. Most of the time my dad brings the family together, cause he's generous in spending the big family dinner and no one else. I miss the fun and joy. I miss the big gathering, I don't think I can ever experience it anymore. I miss it when my dad always bring boxes of moon cake back. I miss the moment when my dad always brings us out for food in restaurants. I miss the moment when I am awake during the weekend, there's food on the table packed by dad when he had his breakfast with mum. I miss looking at my dad sitting down on the floor reading the newspaper when I wake up during the day. I miss looking at the gap of my door when my dad pass by to go upstairs to his room. I miss hearing the footsteps of my dad walking up the stairs with his socks on, I miss the moment when he picks me up from work during my first job, I just miss my dad. I never thought that I would loose my dad so early. I never see this coming. The most that I could do when my dad was sick, is applying leaves just to bring him to the hospitals, skips my cousins wedding to take care of him, stayed home most of the time cause I am too worried to go out with friends. But to me, that sacrifice is not enough, is never enough. 

I am tired putting on "I am okay mask" for so long, I am not okay. I often stressed thinking about my life now every second. I am worried. from every angle. till my weight, so stressed that I could not control myself as well. 

7 September 2016

Often in Rush

I am always often in the rush to finish stuffs though I have actually allocate myself ample of time for my Korean study. Because I have not been touching my study since last weekend so yeah. Probably the reason I wanna finish them in a niche of time is because my time is unpredictable lately, especially on weekends. I might have appointments or outings. So yeah, it's better to finish before scheduled just in case but not too rush. It has been so long since I memorise vocabs, still in the progress thankfully. Hope to do better though. After the vocabs study I still need to concentrate on a specific grammar. Hopefully I can finish all this by end of the month despite my packed schedule. Hopefully by October I can study the TTMK latest ones and practise my essays by end of the month! Woots! FIGHTING! Time to keep my schedule on the run now. 

6 more months to go, 2017 is coming and I hope everything would get better. By end of the year, one of my oppa will be leaving the country and by mid next year, my oldest oppa would leave the country as well. If I made it after Lunar Year to Korea, than I will still be with them the least, but otherwise, I would be a sad person again. Sigh, fingers crossed. Life has been tough and good times don't last. Part of life I guess, I am always envious with people who has good life though. Just enjoy with no worries, spend and spend. When will it be my turn? I always have to be so cautious with my spending, it's really stressful and heartbreaking. I have a long journey to go. 

I have not been achieving much results since last month, it became 3 more to go because of yesterday and end of September is approaching. This is deep shit. I need to make it before end of the year! Go strict till Friday and see how for the weekend. I need to do this. Pftt!

6 September 2016

Exhausted Day

I feel so exhausted yesterday. Probably because of the packed schedule on weekend and work. Nonstop for seven days gonna be so till end of the month apparently. This so tiring, I felt like I am totally KO for yesterday! I want to walk to the LRT but I did not have anymore strength to do so! Even walking back from the LRT to my house. I need to actually spend more to go back, and now I need to withdraw money, something that I am really afraid doing :(

I don't even have the energy to begin my memorising. So I should do it today then. Of course I wish to finish by next week though. Which I think it would be possible as long as I am consistent. I need to anyway. I wanna start the TTMIK study by end of the month anyway. HARDWORKING please, no more outing which I always said so but failed to do. 

The other day during my oppa's birthday, reminds me a lot of my dad. I had never have such a big Chinese dinner like a family for a long time. I miss my dad, he's the only one who always bring the family together. I missed the feeling and I like the feeling. I feel thankful, I really wish in future there's more reunion or family dinner. I really wish to. Missssss himmm. 

5 September 2016

Second day of PM

Yesterday was my second day of PT, it was quite okay. In fact I would say it got better. I am getting to know the people during the second day. Friendly environment. Seems fine, but I still can't stay long. Taking up time and not much on add on onto my earnings. Next weekend would probably be my last weekend I guess. I am not sure but I am really tired though. I don't know how long can I stand this long journey! Standing the whole day and boring most of the time. I need to bring some books during next weekend. Wasting my time.

I am suppose to finish my vocabs memorising by this week though, probably I might need it till next week. Hopefully end of the month I can browse through TTMK latest studies so that next month I can start with my essay writing with proper and deeper grammar. Problem is who is gonna mark my essay? I don't think the oppas are free to do so though. My Chinese workbook is still stuck as well. I haven't done it for some time. Oh gosh.

Late night movie with Train to Busan! The storyline is pretty good but I feel that if there's the Western production in the movie, the movie could be more exciting but Choi Wooshik is really cute, too bad he is just the minor character of the show! :( The big size uncle is really cool in fact I feel he's more cool that Gong Yoo! Pretty good Asian zombie movie though. 

4 September 2016

First Day of Part Time work

I am so tired once I reached home, it's definitely tough to work 12 hours in  a day straight! I don't feel myself now. This is crazy though. I am not sure if I am too friendly or what, I don't wanna make a guess as well but I feel not comfortable though. My eyes are closing now. Barely able to open my eyes though my colleague made me a cup of latte since he said I look tired. Feeling thankful. People there are so young.

Honestly, I was quite anxious and nervous that time, but as time goes by, I sort of gotten a little familiar, I felt much better though. The staffs there are actually quite friendly. Since it's not your own cafe, I don't actually enjoy much since I only slept for 4 hours and work for 12 hours. Definitely exhausting but thanks to lovely colleague I am a little awake instead. I am feeling old being with them. fuhhh. I was worried that I won't feel clicked, I wanted to stop by tomorrow but I might think over after tomorrow, probably to work till next weekend? I am in dilemma though.

It's too tiring, I was offered with Korean tutor with better pay and short time, why take longer time and lesser pay? I mean.... Both are my favourite hobby. I don't know man. 

3 September 2016

The Oppa Day

Well, today is the actual birthday of oppa! Had a good dinner but unfortunately he paid for the dinner instead which he shouldn't though. and we had an ice cream, spend by another oppa! So many nice oppas! The dinner was awesome, I have not have such a good dinner, a Chinese one with so many people for a long time. Reminds me of my dad, which he likes to do that every time. I miss those days though.

We actually went for a second round in Publika! Went to an Irish bar and it's quite expensive though. The drinks were just soso and it's not compatible with the price! 

After the drink at the Irish bar, we actually went for a hookah! This hookah place is actually quite strong though and I spent just too much for one weekend. I can save up next week onwards. compared to the oppas spend on me, what I spent yesterday was actually nothing though. Since it's his big day! :) I am gonna stop shisha for a bit now, it's really not good for health at all. No more, makes me KO this time, cause I have been doing it too much. 

Today would the first day of my part time work. I am looking forward and I am suppose to be sleeping right now. 

2 September 2016

New Month

It's already the new month, three more months till 2017! Look at how time passes! This is so scary though. I missed my trip already. There's so much things I wish to do towards end of the year, I wish I have more leaves to apply though. In fact, I wish I have more money instead to go for trips. Oh well, that wouldn't be possible I think. I think I really need to do something about earning the extra income. 

Final meet up before the gang leaves for South Korea for Chuseok. Apparently the biggest festival in South Korea. Not as big as the local's mooncake festival though. This time we need to celebrate this festival, since more than a year has passed. Family reunion that is. It has been so long since we had once ever since he's gone. Occasionally I would really miss him. I still feel like I am still in my dream at times. I wish some things are not real. I should feel thankful now, that on behalf of my dad, I have oppas to lean on a little now. Just for a short moment, I guess. Better that not having. Thank you. =3 Really thank you =3

This month onwards, I will be really busy with lots if plans to carry on, with expos coming up and probably my part time work by this weekend? I really hope everything goes well. Enough of tough time, good ones coming now! POSITIVE! 

So where next together again? :)

1 September 2016

Penang Trip

I had an amazing Penang Holiday trip with the oppas! :) I am feeling really thankful, really. We took off on Monday brunch and just got back today. Total 4 days 3 nights. Just nice, the amount of stay we had. The first day we actually reached quite late, so we just had dinner at Gurney Drive, it has been ages though! The fried kuey teow is still quite good accordingly to my foreigner oppas. This is so nostalgic. Reminiscence of my childhood memories. This is so loved though. I had an awesome trip. The accommodation was good as well! We all have our own room, and it's comfy. Lovely place with cute wallpapers too. The place is good though it's a little far though. We even went to the beach bar, good place as well but it's a little dark. 

The next day we actually went to Bukit Bendera and Kek Lok Si Temple, though I have live there for months, I have never been there. Nice places though, went up with the cable car, the amount of people is crazy though it's on weekdays, not even a public holiday even. After the visits till noon, we went to the biggest mall in Penang, Queensbay Mall. It has been some time though. Had a Japanese dinner instead of locals. 

We actually went for hookah after the Japanese meal, this is where I started to KO since I had too much I guess. I totally KO for the night. Slept all the way through. I think there's something about the second one. Hmm. 

The second last day was quite tiring since we need to walk more and it's so hot! We went to snake temple during brunch time and went to the trick eye museum as well as the murals. They are so hard to find. Walked around round and round just to find the arts! We had a light lunch before beginning our journey though. Nice place as well. Crepe cakes. Green tea and tiramisu. I had yogurt, pretty good too but a little too thick. 

 We actually went back during the evening to take a shower before going for a seafood dinner. The food to me was just soso and it's quite pricey though. Not really a recommended place for seafood I would say. And well, dropped the oppas at somewhere else, ehem, well. I thought there's some time for me to hang out at the mall to buy some clothes maybe but time did not permit that to happen, so I make a round the town and found no place to hang out so I went to the nearby Tesco nearby our accommodation, walked a bit and went back home. It's not a good idea I realise because the unit is so big that, I actually felt a little scared to be alone in the house! I wanted to call them, but I did not want to bother them as well, so I just waited. Had too much snacks and Starbucks during the trip. Too much Starbucks ever since I travelled with them, like a regular thing. 

Well, good times over really quick, we head home right away during the noon the next day. I enjoyed my trip well. I hope in future to have more trip with them before they leave and I can't see them so often anymore. I think I would feel really sad though.

And finally, Big Bang is coming to Malaysia for their 10th Anniversary concert as well. I wanted to attend with the cheapest ticket but apparently sold out in minutes, well save my money then, there's no TOP and I heard the place sucks and not worth the price, so yeah. If I have a chance, of course I wish to attend again. 

 That's the end of my post! I want more more trips with them. I am saving up my holiday.