30 April 2017

Signs of Positive Hope

I just got sound last few days again, I felt like I have been sound off pretty often lately, that actually hit me really hard again, silly mistake. I felt so not me now, I felt like I am degrading myself, I need to get out at the soonest, actively posting out, and will post more later this week as week, love calls for Wednesday interviews. Not really with those I want, but just give it a try, who knows and it has been some time since I went for an interview, so I would give it a try though. The second interview would be a little far actually. The environment doesn't look really good as well but I will just wanna look out my interview, it has been too long. There's a few companies that looked at my profile and I hope I will receive more calls as time goes by, I really need to leave to developed myself. This is degrading my traits and profession. I can't let that happen, so fingers crossed! I am still feeling hopeful and positive, regardless. I am feeling a little tensed now since I want to leave badly and this has been affecting my performance, I dislike it. I wanna change for the good not bad! So yeah. Please please and please. I am trying to STOP my bad habit as well, I am supposed to totally STOP it by this week since tomorrow is the first day of May! More to blog about my trip and fore so. Time passes really fast, I need to be serious for need to stop it and start working out as well! I didn't really manage to sort out my stuffs much last week after decided to actually just finalised the sort out. Hopefully by mid-May I am able to finish sort out to online storage as well despite I have many events coming up. Also, hope to land myself a good environment by June! Fingers crossed again. 

Regardless with how bad situation is, I try to figure the good out of it these days. I can't complain too much or say the bad out of it too much. No matter how much the limit of mine has reached or so, how much I start to dislike the current situation, I am trying to be positive about it. Honestly I really dislike it, but to train myself to be professional I need to do it! To improve, to be patient too! This is not an easy thing but it's a worth thing to even try to change. Lately I have been listening to old songs lately, English oldies, feeling nostalgic, those days! Age is catching up, education memories still fresh in my mind. Sometime I wish to go back to those days. Just studies to be worried about. Now, there's so much to worry about. My career, I am finally able to get out and hunt for a better opportunity and this is the toughest period, it's gonna happen before mid-year! It gonna be! My health wise, still struggling to STOP, it's already May and I am worried! How to earn more, I feel like doing something that I can earn some extra earnings. I wonder when can I moved aboard to work or travel around, feeling frustrated but this is it. I will make it within this five years, stable and success for both career and health! I wanna prove to these people that I would excel well else where too! WATCH ME! JUST WATCH ME! I realised my mistakes, learnt from it and not to repeat it and improve myself. Better than those who just know how to pinpoint the fault or throw the fault to others regardless, I believe in karma. I know my mistakes, apologised and be better. People leave a place for a reason, I have got no choice that's why I stayed. For my own career sake, my heart shouldn't waiver for such environment! Not an inch! Please! 

Feeling cared and love is awesome. I like it but it's bad sometimes. Overboard I would say. I need to limit myself and know my boundary, the most important point. I am a female somehow, at the end it's always the female who's at the losing point so be cautious and careful and alert! Social is social, hang out is hang out, flirt is flirt. Know your dignity and pride, your value. Bear in mind! I can say I know my feelings well now. Oh gosh, talking about this, it has been some time since I met my oppas! I sort of miss them lately. He's leaving in a month! I am gonna miss him and I should see him soon though. GRRR! Not till my event is over. Time is ticking. I need to start mingle again as soon as my tasks are done though! Which means, that would be almost mid-year! PFTT! I CAN DO THIS I CAN MAKE IT!



29 April 2017

The Hyped

The least I am feeling a little positive that I got a few calls and respond lately. I really hope to receive more calls next week, probably apply for more next week since I have applied some this week. I am gonna use new portal as well, to see how it goes too. Fingers crossed man, I hope to land a good job before mid-year! Feeling positive and hopeful! I can do this! I am really fed up of this place, my dateline has approached long time ago and I really need to catch with things! I can't continue to be in my comfort zone anymore. This is really bad. I wanna advance and improve myself. I wanna do well and excel, this place is slowly destroying me and I really hate it. I don't wanna mend myself even more already. I don't wanna hopping after some time too, so I pray and hope the new one would be good. 

Lately, there's many idols and actors are back from the military services. I feel so old now, so fast two years has passed? This is so insane though. Lately would be the hit one, Jaejong and Yunho! It has been some time since I heard about them and they are still looking good, Yunho look more mature and Jaejong doesn't seems to age at all! He is still so handsome and hawt! I feel he has a really unique look though, he's really  good looking among the idols. I feel so. I feel he looks really good on pictures. He is really photogenic though. I love to have his pictures as my wallpapers. I have been doing so lately. 

I have been thinking quite a lot lately, and also probably my room is in a mess! Cause I keep having bad dream lately or tiring ones. I should clean my room once I am back from my trip though. I wanted to retrieve most of my lost Korean songs, but came to think of it, the links are mostly broken and I wouldn't even remember what I have lost, so I just decided to let it be and finalised the sort outs for my Korean songs, I will search and download them if I feel I need to. I think this would save some time and probably able to finish before May ends? I hope so, I still need to sort out to online storage and harddisk. So gonna take some time though. Aside this, I also managed to buy some stuffs that I have listed. I am basically almost done or done with stuffs I need to do for month end or early month. Some are in progress like my career progress, left with my health wise. I really need to kickstart it seriously since it's gonna be May soon! This is really bad if I keep continue, I can't afford to bring forward anymore. So Please! 

I am gonna have a busy weekend till the least early of May though, out of town weekends that is! Woots! I think I had too much fun and it's time to save soon! Lately I am into crepes! Okay, I don't know why, but I am into sweet desserts lately and this is dangerous, my grandmother is a good example. I need to take care of my diet as usual. Crepe cakes are nice too but quite pricey actually. I really wish I could loosen my eating by next month onwards a little. This is so stressed. I never though I could get into this point. I am not really a cake person, but I really just like to look at it, feeling insane huh? Just feel good looking at it though, feel nice. 

I am sure with what I am doing. I don't have the feeling but I just like the feeling being treated so, I think it's normal right? Especially ever since I lost weight, there's people who approached me  but just not the right ones. When is my cup of tea gonna reach me? Everytime when I met someone that I am interested, the person eventually will leave the country. But even so, I am not as fond with Korean guys as I used to. Probably I have meeting the not so right ones, or Korean guys are just like that originally, just myself being ignorant about it. Actually, I realised most facts for some time, I am just lying to myself and just wanted to try. Guess I should do some more huntings? It's even harder when I only limit myself with mature same age or older than me hunks, tall ones and fit. I would be forever alone if I keep limit myself to this. Lately, I have widen my choice to local guys, still the same age range but mature, height and appearance wise as well as a candidate. Flirt wise or consideration wise, presentable is okay for me? I guess so, age wise, right, age is just a number so I am gonna take into account maturity as this range. What am I blogging about now man? I am feeling so crazy now for blogging about this. Till this point, I don't know who's my site visitor. I wonder if there's any people that I know that visits. Scary though not knowing or whatever! This place is my best friend! I will have more to write about for the next few days after my trip! 

28 April 2017

It's TGIF and the half day!

There's lots of one day of lately every week till the next two weeks though. I am feeling good that I can still save up my leaves for something more important. I am already portraying myself working in a new awesome environment before midyear comes. Oh gosh, fingers crossed. Desperately wanna leave the place at the soonest, I should have hunt earlier. I regretted that I did it so late. I am rushing for so many stuffs now. GRRR! Why did I dragged it? Time passes so fast that mid-year is almost approaching already! This is scary. I need to chase time as well! PFTT!

My room is in the mess lately since I am always not in the house during the weekend. I left my stuffs unattended for two weeks almost. I hope after this weekend I am able to clean and tidy my room for real, I think it's good to clean up my room at least twice a week, as in the whole room and clean the floor and stuffs the least every week actually. Lately I feel like decorating my room as well though. Felt like changing some design or so, at the same time changing to a new environment as well. I am not sure, probably not as well or maybe just change some decoration of the room from the existing as well. I will see how after my trip and probably I do not have time as well since I have not finish sort out my files and so. Probably I can only decorate it by mid-June or so. The last half of 2017! WOOFF! These designs looks nice but it gonna take me some time to do it, and you know I am lazy and I do not have so much time. I don't have this kind of hobby though. Too bad, I don't have the patient I would say. I hope by the second half of the year, I am already settled with my stuffs, ready to revise, adapting to the new environment and have a new feel of my room! OH YEAH! Of course working out and STOP what I am supposed to as well! Actions in progress and hope it's getting better day by day! 

Okay, I don't know why I feel comfortable and speak so much about myself to him but I feel like I shouldn't though. Sometime it just slip off my mouth and I need to control that really well. I need to remind myself every single second, I can't always change the topic to quickly, it's tiring so I need to be really cautious. I need to know more about him not revealing more about myself. This is insane though. I also felt like we are too close too as of what we are now. I am not sure this is the right things since we are still in the same environment. Somehow I felt like if I am a guy, I would be like him, just a feeling and I can sort of know what's he thinks at times. Good or not? I don't know, let's see how it goes. Can't make any presumption right away now though. I am confused myself too and its my own fault. I am the one who initiate it so I need to bear with the consequences. But honestly, I miss this feeling and I don't really get to experience anymore or probably not yet I guess. This is so frustrating. GRRR! I wanna stop thinking for once sake. It's tiring to have my brain functioning for 24 hours. I know I need to solve and achieve stuffs, but keep thinking about me wouldn't help me, find a solution, work on it and that's more useful and fruitful to it! Think of methods to resolve it instead! 

I dreamt of my grandmother last few nights and I don't actually remember exactly what was it. I only remember it was quite sad and I cried during my sleep. She looks normal that the usual her. She looks healthy and happy in my dream, but I can't remember what she said or did. It's just heartbreaking to see your close one to be sick. I dare not see her because it reminds me of my dad though her condition is much worse, it's just break my heart. I seen her once and that's it though. I feel sad and wonder why and why all these are happening, that's really bad and suffering. My answers to my dad are not answered as well and I doubt these would be answered too. Probably, this is fact of life I would say. Karma is no joke, whether it's past or present, please do good deed with a sincere heart not for the sake of repay. 

I am gonna go for a holiday this weekend and hope it's gonna be a great trip! I am looking forward. It has been some time since I travel with my friends! Oh yeah! 


27 April 2017

Be Positive.

My friend borrowed me a good book to read, in fact she gave me two kinds of inspirational book to read. I find it really true though, being positive in life is really important, list down the things you want to achieve in life, which I have already did and be progressive and serious about working towards it in a positive way. Just make the good out of bad that happens. Be sure to visualise the good and achievement of those resolutions. It's really important and it works. Regardless how hard life could be, the outcome will always turned out to be good eventually. Take bad as an experience to learn. Be patience and be positive. Optimistic is important! I think I need to improve more from this fact though, felt like though I have changed a little more positive, there's still negative in me, stop thinking too much and complaint about stuffs. Don't gossip so much, or just talk the goods, that's it. None of my business so yeah. Stay put! Reading books like this really inspired me a lot, a reminder to myself everyday from today onwards. I can STOP THE BAD HABIT I am doing, I will get a good job before mid-year. I am already imaging the outcome of it, feeling happy and satisfied. I am can do this! Take it easy and wisely! It's so tiring to have my brain thinking 24 hours aside from sleeping, I am thinking too much and why is it so ? Don's make life so complicated. It isn't at all though. 

I have another trip this coming weekend with a bunch of friends though. Sometimes I wish that I do not know things, I really never thought it it, I am confused with who's stories to trust or whatsoever. Even so, it's none of my business but if it's true, as a friend, this is so wrong. I knew the kind of person she is but I never really heard from someone I know just rumours, I mean this is scary though, really is! Even so, the other party is wrong. I meant all these if it's true only. It's only my guessing and what I have heard, unless I heard from themselves. I tested, I am trying to ignore the fact that's not true and they are just really good friends, close friends that's it. We are open minded society and probably some people couldn't take it and think it in a wrong way. That's possible, I am trying to reason the possible outcomes instead of jumping to the conclusion, it's not good to just summarised based on what we observed, there's need of reasoning. Important deal. This weekend would probably be the answer. Whatever it is I will accept the outcome. Fingers crossed. :)

I have been spending massively this month though! Gosh, trips, shopping, eatings and outings. I think next month onwards before I get  my new job, I should be staying in and save more. Two trips in a month is so crazy, not like I am earning as much as them. GRRRR! I can't buy a car or travel till next year though. This year is gonna be a good year! I am gonna achieve most of my goals, I am already visualising myself in a big and good company. I am also already visualising that I have a good, cute and loving boyfriend, not so serious relationship too! Okay, what is this, this is no good! HAHA! I can't till I am 30, I just can't, career to achieve. I need to remember this point. I am not that desperate at the moment and hopefully I won't be as well. This is not good though, let's focus on what's more important my life, till my career is stable, then we talked seriously about this point. 

I was so busy during the weekend that I did not have time to retrieve my songs. Hopefully by this week I am able to retrieve at least half and finish off by next week and after the event, I would need to start sorting outs for the least two weeks. The final week of May I would probably need to sort out to online storage, I need to find ways. I need to finish every thing the latest by first week of June though. I wanna start study by June for Chinese and take the exam before end of the year so that next year I can finish off my Korean and Chinese exams, my last papers by end of 2018! Before I leave the country by 2019, fingers  crossed. It would be better if I could leave by 2018, but can't rush things too fast. More mistakes if decisions are make too rash. Good planning is important in life. I have more words for today. I have been posting lots of pictures lately! :) 

The End of the day! 

26 April 2017

A night out and crisis!

Last Sunday, once I am back from Melaka trip went to my friend's place for a movie, since she has a little cinema at her place with some snacks and drinks. Honestly, the show was quite boring and I wanted to sleep for a few times. Thank god I lasted till the movie ends. I was really tired. I managed to try the new Starbucks drinks before dropping by her house! No more cravings before the plans actually kicks in! They always spell my name wrong and I don't know why! I said letter J not Jane! I have so many names with Starbucks though. 

The next day we actually went for lunch together and some place that I don't usually go. the thick toast was really horrible. I regretted the decision. I regretted calling it, that's why I don't go to these kind of places to eat though. I never really would want to suggest actually. But despite the fact, the place still has so many people though! I guess it's because the choice probably. Anyway, I hope last two days would be the last day I would ever be spending money for it and STOP doing it totally now! I just wanna be healthy and be in a good condition. I need to keep the promise for the week, TO STOP. I wanna stop cold drinks as well since I have been taking a lot lately. Trips as an excuse and outings. Also, sweet drinks, snacks and fried foods. Cause I felt like my body is not quite well lately though. I wanna cleanse myself for some period of time starting from this week. Otherwise I would really regret it, I need to be serious about it! 

After the session with my friend, I actually went home and guess what, I forgotten there's party at my place as well among my mum's friends. The crowd was crazy and my cousins were there as well. The karaoke session, and with my mum boasting about my Korean, I dislike it. I dislike letting people knowing it somehow. I don't know why too. I had a lot of food for the day to mark my last day of doing it! I need to keep the PROMISE TO STOP! Fixing my temporary diet plan for the week before the May diet plan kicks in. Last minute groceries last Sunday though. Apparently my grandmother wasn't really at a good condition and my mum and aunts rushed to the hospital after the session and we need to do the cleaning after the guests left, as usual. After they were done, we actually went to have some dessert with my mum's sisters though. I really should stop with these ice things and drinks, really. But the durian and mango snowflake is really good though! I love them, but no more for me for some period of time. 

This is the last week of April and I hope this is it. I was supposed to do it this week but seems like there's gonna be some postponed though. However, it can't be too late! This week is my last week as mentioned. I need to make sure it is! I am nervous and anxious but this is the time to STOP. I need to remind myself every second though. Talk less at work as well and stop getting attention too. It's not gonna be good, concentrating on hunting and sorting now! Rush again this week before the trip of the week. GRRRR! This is so frustrating! I can do this babeh! 

25 April 2017

A Night in Melaka =3

Well, my last weekend was well spent though, I actually went to Melaka for a stay and the trip was actually quite meaningful instead. We didn't really actually went early for the trip, probably around brunch time since we both went out late the night before. I actually went for a karaoke session with my friends the night before and had a long chat again in the car with my friend and he dropped me. I think it's a thing for me, long chat in the car. Last minute packing once I am back. Lucky I did not left out anything for the trip, slept for a few hours and up for my Melaka trip! It took slightly more than usual since it's a long weekend and many people would actually visit there. We reached at late noon at had our lunch at Jonker88 and then walked around Jonker Street before checking our accommodation and the best part is, the owner of the home is not in and the price is reasonable! We had much fun for the night though, too much crazy fun and I doubt if even we are doing it right. Our start of the day was Asam Laksa Nyonya stall, I would say it's not bad though and the durian cendol is pretty okay too. I like the gula Melaka though! 

The interior design of the house is pretty cozy and I like the ambience of the place. It's a simple house but nice at the same time. I enjoyed my stay! We dropped our stuffs and rest a while before moving to get some movie tickets and walked around the new mall, Dataran Pahlahwan Melaka! Pretty nice place and quite happening during the night as well. It was quite jam during the day as well, hectic peoples and freaking hawt! So we had some green tea parfait for the day at the mall! I think I went the mall before because it looks familiar actually. But this dessert is good! We actually booked our tickets quite late though cause we had a lot of time since our plan changed. We wanted to move somewhere further for our dinner but instead we just walked to Jonker Street Night Market for some simple dinner since we are still full from our late lunch. I think it's a good experience since we get to see many tourists and the happenings around though since there's so many people during weekend in Melaka! I like the Melaka riverside as well, relaxing and cooling, really nice for drinking while chatting. Had some meaningful chat with le friend as well. I dare not to reveal much still, the generals but he told a lot. I guess every family has their problem in the house though. This is Life I guess! Move on positively!

After some  chat at this place we actually went for our movie, finally Fast and Furious 8, it wasn't that impressive anymore, just that the movie has many hawt actors! I was too tired to even fully concentrate in the movie as well though. I slept a few times while trying to pay attention though, this is so ironic, I never really slept in a movie though cause I usually watch horror movies ! :) After the movie, we actually bought some drinks back to chill. Played some games and went out again to get more drinks but I guess my body was too tired, I KOed after the second round. I felt my body is fighting against the alcohol, my sleepiness and also my exhaustion. We actually slept like around 5AM? But I couldn't really slept well, I woke up at 8AM and slept back again and then woke up at around 9.30AM for once, I can't continue sleeping despite how tired I am, so I look around the place and packed some stuffs while waiting for my friend to wake up. I just don't wanna wake him up so early since he's the driver of the day so I waited though. He's not as deep sleeper as I thought though. Chill a while at home, and finally checked out for the day and went else where to meet his friend for lunch. But sadly, the place was closed so we had to find another place to have lunch and end up we were stuck at a cafe. We waited for their friend to check in before heading to our last destination  though. The start of the second day was Starbucks new frapp coffee popcorn flavour! Feeling satisfied and one more flavour to go! 

The last drink of the day/trip! I finally get to try their famous coconut milkshake in Melaka! The crowed and line were really crazy! I never ever would want to come back here during peak hours! There's so many freaking people and despite the hot weather, these people still line up for it! I would never do that, this is really crazy. Is this nice? I am not quite sure as well though but seems normal to me. I am fine with it, I see many tables with their banana round cake and nasi lemak though. The waffles was so so as well. I don't know, food hunting is just not my thing when comes to travel, I just tag along with my friends. After this session, we departed and went off. It wasn't as jam during out bad as said though. I was supposed to attend another session but I was too tired and skipped it but only managed to went for the last session of the day after some short nap. I felt much better instead. 

Overall trip was pretty fine and fair enough, will we have another trip together again? I don't know and I am don't wanna think so much about it as well. Pftt.! 

24 April 2017

Catch Up with le Friends

It has been a rough week and hope the new week is gonna be good for real though. TGIF was quite awesome though, managed to eat my favourite good, nasi padang! I love Indonesian food better though they are quite spicy actually! But it has been some time since my dad passed away because it's quite pricey though! I had a satisfied meal but it was really pricey though and I managed to packed some kimbab from a Korean restaurant next door though, the taste is not bad but too bad there's pork though. So yeah. I wouldn't be visiting often anyway. I don't really like the area as well though. 

I am still watching The Return of Superman though, from the very beginning of the show and I basically watched the kids grown up! They grown up so quickly! Or I should say time passes really fast again? I never missed a single episode though and currently my favourite family is Lee Dong Gook Family! Daebak and the twins are so adorable! I just love them, Seung Jae is pretty cute as well! I just love kids like them, active instead of always crying! I followed Daebak's Facebook page and I get to see all kind of silly faces of him. He's just too adorable! His actions are really cute as well! Oh my baby! 

After the dinner, I actually rushed home to prepare myself for the next round to meet up with my friends. There are some of them that we have not been seeing each other for some time though. We chit chat and sing k! It was fun though. Catching up with old school mates, I wonder if I should catch up with primary mates and university ones as well. But arranging big meetups is really hectic and I am lazy to do so. There's currently promotion running during the midnight as usual and here we are again,  I sang really badly for the night. I am out of energy for the week! Mentally and physically tired! 

I need to save money not spend more money and I felt like I am using a lot of money lately. GRRR! I need to remind myself again and again to save up more money! This is so frustrating! 

23 April 2017

Time is Up, Move On.

I made the wrong decision to actually postponed my tender. But another good thing is that, I learnt a new thing. I need to remember that I am in the sort of upper level now and I can or need to be more initiative whether the management is good or bad, would listen or not. The bad result is,  I wasted my time to excel since my heart is no longer here and I don't give a damn anymore but this is bad for my own development, fixing it :) Refraining it, I should say. Second, I got a wake up call or I should say a thing to learn, a point out that I should me more initiative when comes to this level, I can't always follow instructions anymore. I am in the comfort zone to long and this is actually sort of a good lesson to remind myself. Wake up, move ON and improve yourself! Where's your spirit?! I used to have this hype spirit to propose and suggest and improve, but eventually these spirit gone so I wanna get back home and move on to a better place. I am in the midst of applying, just recently, yes I am really late. I hope that by next week I will receive some calls and leave by June the latest, that's not even I want to leave by end of the month. I want it to be by mid-June the least, if possible end of May. I am really sick of this place, it's already 2 years plus and time is up. I need to make a change, not staying on and wasting time. I don't feel angry or hate. I feel grateful, thankful and pitiful for them at the same time. Sorry, but that's it. Time is up! KAMSAHAMIDA! I did not memorise the Korean keyboard, otherwise I wish I could the least blog in Korean to improve my language. Oh well, at least some things are already in progress but I just need to increase the speed a little. UP UP WAY TO GO! 

My weekend is gonna be busy till end of the month and yeah, I should be happy though to relax my mind and for the next one, I hope it's gonna be good because I don't wanna hop after a some period of time. I wanna stay longer, learn and improve myself. That's why I try to apply for bigger and more international companies. The least, I will have more initiatives and things to learn to progress further. Please please come to me. I hope everything happens for a reason, for me to learn and improve myself. I don't wanna feel discourage over it, I wanna feel being courage over it. For people like them, I get to learn more and more stuffs! I can improve and progress further, that's life I need to go through as long as I chose this path to move on. It's not gonna be easy as said. I said I am prepared so I need to be strong, face it and overcome it, regardless how much I dislike it, I wanna move on bravely and wisely. I really dislike being lectured or being sound off, that's way I hate mistakes, that's why I like to learn and improve. When such things happens, I wanna do better to improve myself. I wanna prove to them, I can do even better else well, climbing up the ladder higher and higher! Thanks for ringing me up! Thanks a lot. I wasted two years, not 100% wasted probably I learnt things but it's at the maximum at this point now. I wanna go further and further. 

This week has been a rough week for me. I don't know, since Monday I have this not so right feeling. I  hope this new week would be a better week. I wanna fix my diet to be healthy, workout daily, finding better environment, change myself for the good, carry myself well, finish sorting out my files and STOP TOTALLY WITH THE HABIT! A new week, a good starting point. I will stay positive regardless what happens. Full STOP, the goods are coming. I am strong and determined right? So what's are these to me? How to be successful if just these kind of matters are bothering me right? Move on babe, humans are interesting human kinds can never be fully understand. I have long way to go. Long way to improve myself. They said I am young but I  don't think I am anymore. I felt like I am late a step. I just feel really tensed up and stressed up now. I feel disappointed with myself. Why did I take it for granted? Why did I put myself in the comfort zone? Why? guess what they said is right, I should have left earlier. This is slowly eating me, and therefore I am trying my best to move on now. Feeling so frustrated and in a rush now, I should have done it earlier. Feeling so regret but it's never too late. 

Move On, Better Environment, Learn and Improved. 

22 April 2017

One More Week, STOP and travel....

I only left a week to totally STOP it, time is sticking and a new month is on the way. Time is so scary and never waiting. I have so much to do, finally I am done with sorting out my Korean musics, roughly but not fully, I wanna finish download and retrieve everything before fully sorting out them. This is gonna be really hectic but I hope I will be done before May end though, since this month I am gonna be really busy! I finally able to sort out my photos from my Iphone to my computer! My phone doesn't seems to be lag as of now, I guess I have too many pictures and videos that caused my phone to slow down! I am gonna change my ringtones as well. At least I finished this in advance and now I can fully concentrate on my Korean songs. I need to be quick since time is ticking and I do not have much time left though. GRRR! I am still stuck with my old habit, trying my best and struggling to stop it still, I regret and regret for starting it. Now it's so hard on me. Though my immune system has gotten much better, I wish to be even better instead, before I get to old to even take care of myself. Health is hard to restore if I do not take care of myself. No point of being successful and rich if I am not healthy! 2017 resolutions! Let's do this! 

My Facebook page, most of my friends are travelling but I am stuck here because I wanna do some savings. This is so sad though, they must been doing quite well to go for travels and I am so envious though. I want to travel as well. I wanna go to South Korea or any Western countries, or other nice Asian countries too. Hopefully within five years I am on it, in the progress and achieved my dream in my career and health, as well as travel around the world. The best would be settling aboard instead. AHHH~ Actions, wise actions to success. I need to do it. Europe has been favourite place and first few places to visit. I don't know, I just prefer the European and the Western sides. The places are beautiful, envious with who they are. If I have money, I have so much I wish to do! SO MUCH TO DO! This year is to kickstart everything. The actions year! I am tired and sick of being envious all the time. I want to be envious of. I hope it's gonna be my turn soon. I wanna fulfil things, things that he did not make it in time, on behalf. On behalf of my travel plans, there's two person that I wished that I could support the least to travel with me though. 

I don't know what's with the mood swings lately, I have been listening to slow, ballad songs lately. I feel stressed and tension at the same time. I am in the verge of hunting for my career. Honestly, I am really worry. If the next one would be a good one? A promising one? Will I have good colleagues ? Will I have good superiors? Will I do well? Will the job scope be close to what I want? I just hope it would be a pleasent work that I could work for long and excel myself, I really want to work in a MNC company in hopes that I would have business trips around because I enjoy moving around instead of staying in the office. I need to keep hunting for the right one. It's not easy it's based on luck but I am doing it, my dateline has reached, I wasted much time and I don't wanna waste anymore time and wish to achieve my goals at the soonest. Fingers crossed for my career and at the same time, hopefully within next week, my last shot, I would totally stop my BAD HABIT! I really wish to achieve these two goals of 2017! They meant a lot for me. 

At times, when I have problems, I would actually blog or write it out, but sometimes for certain things you wish to talk about. I realised that I don't have such person around me. It's not about trust, it's about suitability. I don't have someone who I think would give me a good advice even if I told them, including my family. I may have different circles around me but I do not have one really close one that I could genuinely share my feelings and problems with freely. I am not sure if it's because of myself, I don't like to share my problems around or just I don't feel secure and safe to tell my stuffs around, I guess it's due to the reason that humans are just too complicated, they are born to create problems and gossips about others. I put heavy thoughts on how people look at me, it's stressed and not healthy but I can't help it, I don't like it and I despite over it and fight and do the best to prove them wrong! I don't like how the negatives people looked at me, I just don't like people talk the bad out of me. Sometimes, you can't help it. When you are climbing up the ladder, you would face a lot of people, all kind of people mostly negatives. I am learning to take it easy, ignore the negatives, take the positives, learn and improve myself. I just reflash, if within the two years, if the down did not happen, I wouldn't change and be still the old me, I wouldn't improve at all. Still, I have lots of rooms of improvement still. I need to change for the good. I no longer cared so much what the bad others said about me, I take it as a lesson to learn, the positive of it. I try my best to change myself. I just wanna change to excel in many ways. I remind myself everyday, every second. I need time to change myself. It's not one night thing,it requires lots of time. I hope one day, I would say that I have made it and I am done. I achieved it. Dad, I have done it. You have done it, I am able to do it as well. Mine is nothing compared to yours. I wish I still have a father figure to lean on but... yeah. I can only lean on my own. I hope this post would be last post that I would write about. I want to remember only the good memories. I don't wanna shed tears for the same reason, it's pointless, move forward. I guess probably what's happening to my grandmother now, reminds me a lot of those bad memories. Why ? Why must it happen this way? MOVE FORWARD and BE STRONG! That's me right!!!! I promised to shed less tears, what is this!!! HMPH! My last post about these, once and for all. I wish but yeah, we had more pictures together. I am still learning about myself, on my baby steps to my successful career! ROCKING IT ON! 

I receive a lot of sings lately, whether it's about my health or my career, I got it. Working on it, just kickstart! I will take note and thank you for all the signs ! I will bear in mind! :) Feeling more spirt after writing out everything I wish to say. I feel much better, I think it's still okay if I do not have anyone to talk to. I guess this is my way. It's tired to carry myself differently whether I am home or out, but yeah, the least it would be beneficial in future. Learn and learn, this is life yoh! True friends would really stay by your side during your hard times. You know who, when you have those who runs during times like this. I have experienced so before, so yeah, I am sensitive to reveal and trust issue. It became a habit instead. Good or not I am not quite sure. Well, positive positive. 

21 April 2017

A tight wake up again.

I got a tight wake up again last two days about work. Last time it was about my punctuality and now it's about my work. I fixed that, I meant depending with who I am with and that's not so bad since I used to be someone that's punctual though. So yeah, gonna get back the old me soon for that, but now it's another thing. I got a big hit last two days from my boss. Instead of feeling angry, I felt disappointed and naive. Just because my position has raised, everyone is eyeing on me. This time it got worse actually. I felt different, just for the first expo and they complaint about me so much, first event of the year. When I was questioned if there's any problem with them, honestly though we are in the different team, I wanted to protect them but just forcing out a world, not so aggressive and I guess this world offended them and now I am in a quite miserable life. There's also another misunderstanding as well I think, I just can feel it somehow, feeling sad and stressed though. I hope I am thinking too much and hope the actions and decisions are for my own good and to kickstart my spirit cause I am feeling so now. I am not discouraged by it, instead I feel like I want to work hard to get out even more. I feel regret for dragging my time and wasted some time, it's really time to move on, I am really wasting a lot of my time now. My expiry date has reached for some time and I need to stop procrastinating and work out with my plans, some plans are in the progress and doing well, some just still need more effort. The least, I need to kickstart most things before May starts which is in a week time, time passes really fast and it's really scary! I need to catch up with time as fast as it is and wise and smart too! I am just so tension and frustrated now. I am not fully in action yet, still. I am scared and it's a must for me to get out of this comfort zone now. It's really dangerous, wavering. 

There are a few key words that always appears in me. STOP what you're supposed to stop and you wouldn't want to end up the same, warning has been give for that, so yeah be serious to STOP it. Chase your career, it's already gonna mid-year, I need to be quick and fast and wise as well. Finish sorting out my songs at the soonest, cause I wasted a lot of time at home just to sort it when I can actually revise for my Chinese exam. I am gonna take another a month just to do it. I need to be quick and smart as well. So much to do, I wanna change for the good. Most times I would be negatives but I have improved and think more of the positives as time goes by, nothing is impossible and everything will work out well if you do not give up and gives a good planning. This is life, you need to experience the good and bad to learn and be a better person. I wanna learn to complain less as well, about anything. I guess I have this from my mum cause she always complains. I wanna stop this, and talk less about others as well. Whatever the person do, no matter how bad it is, just ignore it. Karma will do it's job, don't need us to bother so much. We have more to be concern about. Reminding myself every second, it's not easy but eventually it will become a good habit and I wish I could make this happen. I just wanna catch with time and achieve most of my resolutions for this year. I am getting old, as I always said. I need to achieve thing fast instead of taking it slowly now, I am almost deep into my comfort zone, and I wanna get out before mid-year arrives, I wanna developed and improve myself at the soonest, earn more and be more valuable in the corporate world. Not here, hopeless and waste of time. So please actions would be great! 

I feel I am so naive at times, I trust a person too quickly and I reveal things too quickly some times as well. Most of friends said that I don't spill my things quickly to others, but I think I need to keep it really tight as well, for now. I learnt a big lesson, what has been warned and I wanna be really cautious now. It's really dangerous if I am about to go into a new environment, at least this is a good time to learn about people, trust and how to handle them. It's a great challenge? I think this is just the beginning and more to come, life is awesome, humans are interesting beings, you can never expect anything from anyone. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. This reminds me of the distance between me and then ever since the incident. I wonder it's a good thing or a bad thing. I am getting busy till the least May, I wonder if we have more time to actually meet each other. Sigh. People come and go in our life, good or bad. It's good to learn and I am earnestly learning it now, it's a forever progress and never ending thing. Give me more challenges! I don't wanna avoid problems and run away! I am scared but I wanna face them fight them and challenge myself! Bring it on !!!! 


20 April 2017

Resolutions. Success.

I have been thinking a lot lately. I don't know why. Over thinking leads to more problem, that's true though. I am stress that I am not done with my job hunting and I dislike it here now. I wanna go I wanna go, that's what I have in mind now. I have no mood to go, I wanna get a new and good one at the soonest. I just wanna developed myself, no point staying here anymore. I am all about saying but there's no action yet. What am I thinking? Things would happen on it's own or something? I must be crazy, really crazy. Anyway, just feel like lately, I just need to keep things to myself, no matter how you think you're close to a person, not everyone could be trusted. I don't wanna say much stuffs about myself or work to others anymore though. Never know who could be the betrayal, dangerous. Speak less about myself just to create a barrier for others to understand me, it's not good if they do. It's not gonna be a promising situation. I don't want that to happen. I am trying to remind myself that every second and to STOP completely what I should as well. It has been dragged for too long and it's really dangerous as time goes by. It's really stress because I am still on it, and I often don't feel well. I really hate it, I wanna stop. I thought if I just tell another person, it would gives me the urge to STOP. It's in progress now, I know it's not a help telling to person but just to keep myself reminded to STOP! 

Lately I have been listening to lots old songs, probably songs from my mum's generations. Shit, I feel really old now for listening songs like this, is it because my age is catching up that I am listening to this kind of songs? This is good or bad? I just felt that certain mood I would actually listen to different kind of songs. I am open to all kind of songs though, except jazz that I do not know how to enjoy though. Blue Jazz is still fine, but just Jazz is really hard! :( I will learn to listen and rock songs too, I can't stand pure rock songs. A little too noisy for me. Old songs just soothes my mood occasionally. It's good to keep myself update with new songs and to remember the old songs as well though. Good songs never get old and stays forever. I wanna do music as hobby one day. Really hope I am capable of learning composing one day. Below are the few songs I really like and got to listen lately. Good songs! =3

I felt like my blog posts gets longer post by post. I have more to say day by day and I advance postings lately as well since my weekdays are quite dull cause I just wanna stay in and sort out my songs at the soonest. I managed to make use of my time to sort my files, I just need to increase my speed. I am really out of time. I wasted too much time and I am regretting it now, I am trying to finish by this weekend since it's public holiday on Monday. I need to be quick and fast now! This is so tensed though. Since I dragged so long, I need to rush to many things now. GRRR! Hate myself though. My will and determination is not that strong yet and I need to make sure they are strong by this month! I have so many resolutions to achieve! So yeah, this month is a nerve-wrecking month for me! I am late for some time though. I have some trip with my friends end of the month too. I just wanna reduce my outings and spend lost though. My bad habit is eating me up as well that's why I wanna STOP instantly. It's good for me so yeah! Please succeed it! 

Still keeping my dreams to work in overseas, especially Western countries, hopefully this dream is on the way. I need more actions instead of just saying now though! YOHH! ACTIONS! 

19 April 2017


It's already the third week of April and I have not started what am I supposed to, I am just in deep shit now. I don't know what to say about myself. It has been dragged too long and lately I don't feel quite well. I have shortness of breath already. What do I have in mind like seriously? Every morning updating my blog, I would blast my music really loud lately with earplugs both on my ear. I do not know why I am doing so, I feel so emotional lately. I think the biggest reason is that my PMS is coming though and another reason that I have so much that I need to achieve but I have not achieve anything at all makes me feel really stress. My career, my health I just feel so fucked up. Could really barely see my typing in foul language in my blog unless I am really pissed and yeah I am really just pissed off with myself. I hate myself. It's just that there's so much to frustrate about. I dislike when my mum mentions about it, about my dad and everything. My grandmother time is up and occasionally she would mentioned about those times. I would keep quiet and not mentioned anything. I still need more time to recover from it, felt like I am still searching for answers, probably questions to no answers at all. Why am I still searching for it? For what reason? STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!

Though I said that I do not want to tell the person the biggest, sort of secret of my life but I did cause I just hope that if another person knows, I would have the urge to stop it and I hope this is true because I really would like to stop it. I really need to. My health is really getting bad and I wanna be healthy as long as I live. My dad is a good example, the person warned me that as long as I take care of my health, I would live long. It's all about eating, for the same reason. It would be really stressful if I don't watch what I eat. I just need to really pay attention to it, like seriously STOP IT FOR REAL but not just words. It's meaningless if I still do it. I need to be strong and determined, this would reflect my success in my career as well. So please and please be strong ! 

Lately I am pretty much into sweet things and that's really dangerous for my health, I have seen with two person in my life that suffers from it and it's really troublesome and suffering. Diet is really important as we get older because our body function wouldn't be as good as it used to anymore. Enjoy is enjoy, but the most important thing is work out! Japanese pancakes have been my favourite lately, because of Matcha! Yes, their cube toast is also my favourite, it's not too sweet and it's a little salty. I just like this kind of taste so yeah. That's why Japanese dessert sort of became my thing lately. Good or bad mehh! Shouldn't eat so much either way! 

I love to see my blog with so many nice pictures. HAHA. Doesn't look dull and more attractive I felt. I just enjoy blogging lately. I do not know who are my visitors but as long as people whom I do not know would be fine enough, that's why the visitor feed is there. But in case, if there's really someone that I know, please do drop a message to let me know. I am just curious. I am really a curious person and I can't help it though. When I am curious about something, I need to dig the answer out. Otherwise I am not satisfied. Some say its not good some say it's fine so I am not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I have this trait though. Oh well,  somethings are odd to know and some are not. Probably I just need to refrain myself from time to time. Time to change for the good, that's all I would need to say. 
This is life. 

18 April 2017


I finally arranged my time to finish my outing on Sunday. I done it all. I hope that next weekend I would be free from outing though cause I don't wanna hang out so much anymore. I felt like I spent a lot. Though my friend spent us but I felt I ate pretty a lot lately too. Went to Starbucks for a coffee as well. Ate Korean food, pretty a lot and ice cream, soso, marks the last day of my feast actually. I promised to start by this week onwards. Total stop and I need to make sure that I keep that promise, this will determine my success in my career, my will and determination. Honestly I am scared but I need to it. 

My body felt a little week again since I continue doing it so I am gonna STOP totally this week, eat healthy according to my diet and start working out. I hope this gonna be good. I don't feel quite well lately actually since I resume my cold and ice habit, also lots of alcohol lately. I just need to start already. I wanna finish up my hunting as well. I hope to land myself a good environment by this week. I hope I won't need to feel stress anymore. I just need to work out and also I hope to receive my calls for interviews too. I am worried but just wanna be positive! I need to finish sort out my Korean songs this week as well. Since there's an off day next Monday, I hope I can finish it fast. I think I need to give some excuses to avoid outing this Friday to finish of my sort outs and Saturday. I will see how it goes then. It's easy to be said, but when the time comes, I can't resists it. That's why I said, this week will determine my success. I need to be discipline and strong! Moreover I need to do savings as well. I wanna buy car and save for my overseas plan though. So yeah. Be serious this week onwards! 

I am gonna say that I think too much lately and I wanna stop thinking about it anymore. It's wasting my time and energy. Let's just focus on my health and career. I wanna succeed it the least by this month! I CAN DO THIS! I wanna keep my diet healthy the least a success within this two weeks. Lets be strong girl !

Sometimes, I felt like she's not a suitable person to know my things still, but I just wanna say it. Can't be always she the one who does the talking, I felt like it's tiring and not fair though. But I didn't actually told the whole thing though, not appropriate for her to know either. Again, no matter how close I think I am with the person, I can feel whether if the person is the right person to know and so far I have not encounter this kind of person yet. Hopefully one day and I do not need to get blog to be my listener, whining are and best friend. Oh I wonder though, what a life. But yeah. Promise is a promise and I need to keep it, I wanna succeed my 2017 resolutions! 


17 April 2017

Out and Drink

Well, last week has been a whole week out for lunch for me though. I just feel like getting out of the place the whole week, I felt stuffed actually. I am really in urge of searching a new job actually and hope to land myself a good one. This is gonna be exciting though. My meals got heavier and heavier week by week. I have been doing groceries every Sunday to keep my supplies fresh and this is interesting though.  But sometimes, I do not have much time though. It's TGIF and I went to my favourite place near my office! The coffee is bad actually, I can't taste that it's latte though. Quite disappointed. The coleslaw was just soso as well but apparently from my friend, it's quite okay. Oh well, probably it's just me. I remembered that my colleagues told me the food was quite okay last time. I guess the cook has changed though but I like the ambient of the cafe. It's good. Moreover, it's a charity place, that's why I don't mind if the quality of the food or drinks are not so good as the others. :) 

It was a long night for my last TGIF. I finally get to watch the Demon on the Willow Street. It's obviously quite a B or B+ graded movie, the storyline was just soso, the sound effect did scared me at the beginning till the middle, but as the end of the story comes, the story became nuisance! Instead of feeling scared, we felt it's funny towards to the end! I feel bad for dragging my friend to watch this movie though. The cinema for freezing effin cold and we have to stuck in the jam to watch at this place since it's the only place who has the movie. I felt sorry that I was too clingy. I hope I don't give a wrong signal, cause I really treated him like a younger brother and I felt comfortable actually. It's gonna be bad, if he takes it wrongly but I think I signalled a lot though. But guys... Anyway, we had ice cream before movie! No I meant, I had ice cream. HAHA! Finally, it's not my favourite but I have been craving for it for the whole week! :) Yes, I love to eat ice cream and I shouldn't eat so much anymore. I stop stop cold drinks as I said. Let the final two weeks be okay? 

After the movie, I actually went for a drinks with his friends. I never really drink with a bunch that I don't really know, I met some of them just that I am not so close with them. I always been drinking with people I pretty much know, cause you know, drinking could lead to dangerous events. I took the risk and test myself. I wanna trained myself. I have never drank to a point that I felt really drunk and black out but that night I felt I drank a lot as well. I even drank 3 jugs of lemon water. I have gastric and I scared that I would have it during the drinking session so I drank lots of water that's equivalent to the amount of alcohol I drank, the most I drank. I must be crazy. I wanna test alcohol tolerance as well. I heard from people around that people who are drunk would blab their secrets or some would be quiet. I guess I am the quiet one actually. I don't really talk much but I do things that I wouldn't do during the normal me though I am totally cautious. They played a few games as well, and it was actually quite fun.  It felt different since I am always with the elders. It's totally relaxed. I hope I can hang out with them more often though. I really enjoyed the night and I don't feel the gap. I like the feeling. Feeling thankful. We actually went for another round and I get to do shisha! Like finally after some time! The flavour is good as well, if I didn't drink so much, I would actually take more puffs  though. But I was at my wit after a while so I need to go back though. Feeling bad that my friend had to drop me all the way to my house that night and he was really tired as well. He totally knocked out when he was back and did not managed to reply my message. Cute =3

I was totally tired the day after I felt so exhausted. Probably the aftermath of too much alcohol. pffttt. And last night I went for another round of drink again with my friend, but this time I didn't drink that much though just a few drinks but instead I felt more sleepy that the night I drank a lot. The place we went is far but the ambience was quite good though. I quite like it there but it's too far to my place. Takes too long for me to reach there! I had three different drinks for the night and they were good. No regrets for the journey. I like the combination of the mocktails, they were good and with reasonable price as well. Thumbs up! Definitely a high end area.

Okay, I promised to start this week and I need to! I really hope to STOP it totally by this month, I have two more weeks left and I can do this babeh! That's the reason why did I revealed to another person. To stop myself totally, so please and please do it alright! It's really bad and I don't want to make it more than one and a half year! I wanna be healthy! Please!