9 July 2017

It's Just the Beginning for Me

I felt great amount of pain when I transferred the amount of money to my mum, and yes money is hard to earn. I felt the sudden stressed and tensed. I can't live with my bank account without much savings, I just can't. That's when I realised, I have to do more extra miles to earn more income now. I have big dream, I can't just sit there anymore. It's almost four years of working experience I am gonna have. I am gonna let it go the first year since I was lost and fresh. For the past two years, I had some problem but this year onwards, I should be able to built up my career now. That's why I took the risk to buy car, I know it would do me good. I will have more options and more ways and alternatives and capabilities to find an extra income. Without a car is totally inconvenient. At least, I achieved it now. I may have a big hole in my pocket right now, I hope by early next year I am able to earn it back. I do not know how to sort my time by end of the year, since I have so much to do. Let's see how it goes after everything is confirmed with my new job. I knew this would happened because I felt like she was new to this, now she's gonna dragged me to another week. I wanna tender and start ASAP though! I am still eager to know the benefits just yet to tender! GRRRR! I already got my car and really tight in budget now. I paid half of the deposit myself and another some amount more. I will pay back one shoe to my mum once I start my new job because I really dislike owning people money, whether it's from family or friends. I am sensitive with money issue unless I am freaking rich or I have great earnings. Soon to come. It's good and happy to know that I support my own car. I have friends who's fortunate enough to have their parents to support for them, or even come out the deposit for them but I am not in the position to ask for that anymore. I am on my own, I am independent, I wanna be a career women. I will make myself one. I have one more thing to do, to own a property. This might take me some time since the area I chose to settle down in is really pricey. Wages wise, I hope before I turned 30 years old, I am able to earn five figures salary. By 35, I hope to be able to own the property at the place I am eyeing on and upgrade to my dream car. Hopefully, by 30, I am able to upgrade to my second level of dream car though. I have four more years to go to achieve this dreams. As long as I started my new job, life would be hectic and stress for me. I am ready? I am almost ready! Maybe it was too sudden last few days, but I am able to sort my feelings and plans now. Aside of these dreams, I need to work out to maintain my health too, eat well as well. What's with the success without a good health right? Also, as long as everything is confirmed I can move on and start planning some stuffs. Probably after 2-3 months in my new company, after I think I am more settle down, I can start searching for part time sales job. Since I have a car now, I have no more excuses to venture to sales now. Bring it on! Time to get stress and busy! Time to earn the extra income! I wanna prove that I can own everything on my own, from my very first car to property with my own effort. I wanna make my both parents proud. Ladies can success as fast as guys as well. We need to be strong, independent and capable on our own as well. The world is different, counting and depending on your own is always better than on others. That's what I am feeling now, when people put hopes on you when you depend on someone. I hate the word DEPEND. I wanna earn money fast and move out and be independent at the soonest. Fingers crossed, I will make it, regardless how hard and tough it's gonna be as long as I don't give up and move on right up high, life would be easier when my age catches up. Be bright and fruitful with life. It's gonna be a good outcome regardless what happens. Don't think about the bad past anymore. It's not good to think about the bad past, but I can't help it to remind the memories with my loved ones, that's all. Life goes on. 

The lyrics to this song, "If You Could See Me Now", I can feel so related to it somehow. There's a phrase at the front part that touches me. The worst part of all, you do not have the right person to share your problem with, talk out with you, advices you. Well, he left here when I found one. That's why I always prefer to hang around with someone that's more mature than me. I need more lesson in life, the value of life to learn and learn. I wanna listen to more great stories and be inspired. There's more who probably gone through what's worst than me. I should not rant much. I am thankful that I blog though, really helps in resolving myself a lot. My one and only best friend. I shall not share my problems to much to anyone though. Even my family or anyone else. If the right one comes in my life. One day. 

I see you standing there next to Mom
Both singing along, yeah, arm in arm
I'm tryna make you proud
Do everything you did
I hope you're up there with God
Saying "that's my kid"

I feel emotional lately, maybe it's because I am on the verge of my career I guess. The age that I would get stressed about myself, my health, my career and my financial status. Felt like everything is coming through at the same time. Good thing, I can learn to handle everything at the same time. Life is always about learning. The perks of being human. Dream big, plans to it. I still have my dream to settle down aboard. Hopefully on my way to the top hill of my career, I am able to find my way to it. Fingers crossed. I will make it, I will succeed in my goals and resolutions. I hope I am on the right road to it already. Time is ticking, I don't wish to waste more time anymore. I have wasted pretty much. Time to be on the right track. 

I guess from now onwards, I just need to reduce my outings, movies, drinking, cafes and trips now. I am really tight on budget. I have no mood for all these though. I can understand how my friend feels now when she's jobless for the past 4 months when there's no income coming in, likewise with my mum, the worries. I felt the same right now. But because I am someone that overthinks, I felt more pressure and stressed up. I improved from that pretty much kayyyy. I changed pretty much kayyyy. I am still trying to fix myself still. I have lots more to change about myself sadly. At least, I am trying to improve myself though, realised my mistakes, accept it and change for the better person. I realised I have been really mature for the past few years. It's time to grow up more mature now. Feeling so inexperience. I will try my best to attend more meetups after I have settled down. I wanna meet more mature people and expatriates. There's lots of things can be learn from them I believe, in anyone depending how do I make use of it. I wanna learn more about people. I wanna study them more still, humans are just very interesting being that takes me lots of time to actually understand them fully. 


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